Proverbs 30:31 Favour is deceitful, beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.
I'm struggling with this. I received a message from a friend today wanting to learn more about blogging. She is beginning a weight-loss journey with her goal being to run a 5K in August. I'm so excited for her! I will be sure to post a link when she's up and running..no pun intended.
Jerry and I have decided recently ourselves to begin getting back into shape. He is so much better at it than I am. His willpower is amazing, mine not so much.
I would like to say that my goal is to be healthy and feel better, have more energy. It's not. My goal is to look good in my clothes. Vain, I know. Vanity is a tricky thing for me. I desire to be beautiful from the inside and I hope that I would be considered that way. However, every time I look into the mirror with my 35 year old eyes, I find myself mourning the youthful face I remember. I see wrinkles, the beginning of crows feet, enlarged pores. I recently discovered why I am dealing with acne issues in my 30's when I've never dealt with it before..my diminishing estrogen. More proof I am aging. I don't find myself concerned with the numbers in my age, just the side effects. I meditate on verses on beauty and where true beauty lies..it's not helping! Fortunately, I can't afford the Botox and other facial procedures that would give me a quick fix and send me down a slippery slope in pursuit of perfection.
I'd like to blame my child bearing days but I can't. True, I didn't look this way before them but I didn't look like this after them either. I was motivated after their births to shed the pounds, get back into my jeans. The dilemma I am dealing with now is a result of immobility. Always moving with the busyness of life but never exercising. Eating on the go rather than planning and preparing meals as in the past is destroying my waistline.
I could blame society and media but I don't believe that a slender woman on a magazine cover is the reason I desire to be thin. I think as long as women have existed they have desired to be different than how God made them. Feeling inadequate in more ways than just the physical is a struggle I think all women share. Not understanding how truly valuable we are to our Creator, distorts our view of ourselves. So as I again start this journey, I am making more of an effort not to just commit that truth to memory, but in my soul.
I have started walking/running and calorie counting. I feel driven to succeed at this. I always do in the beginning, keeping that drive is the challenge. I'm looking forward to my friend's blog and the realness she will share in the tremendous amount of work it takes to be fit. She is already encouraging me by her willingness to share.
I won't reject any compliments I receive as I slim down, but truly I want to find more praise for who I am rather than what I look like.
Editing side note: After I posted this I got into my car and heard this-"51% of women said they would give up intimacy to be skinny..." I guess the other 49% were lying! lol

A Role Model

What a weekend!

Having a former wrestler husband and three little wrestlers of our own...we are a wrestling family. Coaching, practices, matches, sectionals, districts-it can be a lot. This weekend though, our season over, we headed to Columbus to The Ohio State University to watch what else, a wrestling match. A few other wrestling families went along and I think I speak for all the moms in attendance, this was the best wrestling experience we have shared with our young boys and husbands. The awe on the boys' faces as we walked into the arena, free posters in hand, brought a flutter to my own stomach.

Colt Sponseller, a local boy, is a nationally ranked senior at OSU. Because he is from our rural area, he is a local hero to our young wrestlers. Jerry has followed his high school and college career so my own boys are very familiar with him.

We were told after the match the boys could go down on the floor and the wrestlers would sign their t-shirts and souvenirs. The first "celebrity" we stumbled upon...Coach Tom Ryan. The boys again were overjoyed! Knowing he probably gets this attention regularly from wrestling fans, we were amazed at his genuine affection towards our very eager souls. He signed, he posed and even thanked us for coming. All with intense sincerity. So cool. The boys wandered from wrestler to wrestler, soliciting autographs from all the Buckeye wrestlers, who were equally as gracious.

Then the climax. Colt emerged from the locker room and before he could even hug his family, our boys were drawn to him like bees to honey. Literally. He appeared and instantly twenty little guys swarmed. He was so attentive and kind they ushered us to the hallway as they needed to clear the arena. He spoke to and autographed each child's memorabilia. You could almost hear them buzzing in anticipation for their turn to get close to him. He posed with them in more than enough photos, even encouraging "mean, wrestlers don't smile" and "funny face" shots.

We had heard of his character, his family's. Still, we couldn't believe this wrestler, from a Big Ten school, with an exceptional record, remained so humble. His entire family was so sweet. I had felt bad we were taking their time with him, but they insisted we let the boys enjoy this experience. And they absolutely did.

Amidst all of the sad and disappointing stories we hear of collegiate and professional athletes, it was so refreshing to meet a responsible, excelling, student athlete. One with a love of the sport so great, he shines, giving back to the ones who desire to be just like him.

Sing

Wasn't sure I was going to be a fan of American Idol this year with all the changes. However, much to mine and Jerry's surprise, we love it!

They lowered the age of eligibility this year, which I'm not a fan of, but there is one young man who has captured my heart. JC. He is fifteen but looks much younger. He is a little on the short side and overweight with the voice of an angel. "Group Day" almost swallowed him up. He was in a group of five and one over confident, male diva just kicked him out! I was crying!! This Idol hopeful decided he didn't fit the mold of their group. I was disgusted by his arrogance and ashamed that the other group members didn't stick up for this young soul. JC was in tears, trying to be strong, unable to hold it together when explaining to his mother the reason for his exit. So at the last minute, he was wandering around looking for someone to take him in. He found a group so thankful to embrace his talent, I cried.

After his group's performance, he stood there, tears welling. I grabbed my heart and told Jerry "I can't take this! If he doesn't make it through and I was his mother I would be hunting down that original group leader!". I couldn't just stand by and see my son's heart broken and his confidence shaken to the core. Then I remembered I could. Logically, I know you can't fight every battle and fix every disappointment but it would be nice if I could..that's not where I'm going with this post.

This boy pulls at my heart strings because he reminds me of another little boy. My boy. Tanner. Tanner and JC share a similar stature. And like JC, Tanner sings like an angel. He doesn't show off his instrument very often. Last year, out of the blue and to every one's surprise he auditioned for a solo in his fourth grade spring concert. He didn't even tell me! His music teacher informed me via facebook how blown away she was by his voice. I secretly ached and worried "What if he doesn't get the part? I don't want him to stop singing...". Ultimately he did get the part. Although just a school concert, I cried. I was so proud of his bravery. I love to sing, am semi-talented but always too afraid to step out and take the chance he did.

Watching this boy with a large frame and even larger heart, stole mine. He made it through. Thank you JC for having the courage to chase dreams and allowing me to reminisce the night my own angel sang.

A Girl

You waited all day to arrive, taking your sweet time. You were worth the wait! You are a precious little peanut. Your features, so petite and rounded. You were alert yet completely unaware. Unaware of the ray of light you brought into this unbelievably cold day. Your momma and daddy cried upon your arrival. You are beyond lucky to belong to such amazing beings. Your dark hair is a gift from your Pop. Your nose from Granny. Your presence from God. You are a girl. The "weaker vessel". Do not misinterpret what God means. You are strong. Undefined. Hope. Promise. Loved. You are a girl. A precious gift in the form of a daughter, sister, granddaughter, and niece. I love you Aubrie Meredith. I am so thankful to be your Aunt. Welcome to our crazy family sweet girl.

Looking Toward the Horizon

March 18th, I am waiting for you like a child yearns for Christmas morning.
This dreary, brrrrrrrr-ific winter, the wrestling season, and everyday busy has worn on the last fibers of nerve I have available.
Followers, don't get me wrong, I LOVE WRESTLING! I love watching my boys, Jerry and the other coaches building a successful program, the adrenaline, helping where I can, I really love it.
However, for four months my family does not function on it's normal routine and I have times of feeling extremely lonely. I miss my guys!!
BUT March 18th, I am escaping with my husband and some wonderful friends to the city of Pittsburgh! Every snowflake, school cancellation and busy day, I am looking past to this much needed retreat! Time alone with my husband with no talk of "weight classes", practice, homework, hurried bedtime rituals or children in general! Again, don't mistake my words. I love my children but date night has been pushed aside for far too long. This weekend will selfishly and adequately be all about Jerry and me. Waking up to the absence of alarm clocks, schedule....so inviting! Talking over coffee with overslept eyes will replace springing into referee mode from the launch of morning.
I see you March 18th in the not so distant horizon. I am working my way to you. Don't go anywhere. Do not be pushed aside by interference. I am praying these things for you. Wait for us.....we're coming!

Snow

I wanted to post this yesterday but this ancient computer I'm using temporarily wouldn't allow it!

Dear white, school-closing, frozen mess:



You make my feet cold and my patience thin.

You cause fighting, whining and lacks of motivation.

You come earlier every year and stay too long.

Your only beautiful as you fall.

Your aftermath dirties my car, my shoes, my rugs.

The weather man says the worst is yet to come.

You can miss us if you want I'll give you another shot

A happy resident of Ohio, right now, I am not.

To receive no further complaints just pass us by.

We'll get along without you, really, we'll be fine.



Sincerely,

Miss Frigid

A Little One on One

Report cards were handed out yesterday. As usual, Tanner, our dreamer of the bunch, maintained his "B" average. Also, as usual, he had three check marks indicating areas in need of improvement: 'Listening and Following Directions', 'Demonstrating Organizational Skills' and 'Using Time Wisely'. No surprise there.

Tanner is the most loving, tender-hearted, fun soul. He is also the child with the shortest attention span, the most entertaining stories and a plethora of useless facts he interjects at the most random of times. After using the "take away what they love method" and lecturing since the second grade, I was eagerly awaiting this time of discussion.

We decided since Dad, Owen and Sam were at wrestling practice, Tanner and I would take a drive and visit Granny and Pop. We had about 25 minutes driving each way, more than enough time for communicating with a boy. I was able to acknowledge again his complete disgust of school. He is so bright, yet school is not his fave. I was able to explain to him that his Father expects him to do all things as if "for the Lord"...with order and his whole heart. This made sense to him. For his young years, he is very spiritually intuitive. Whenever I can give him instruction supported by The Word, I see the lights come on through his eyes.

But let's not forget he is of the male species. Although I am thoroughly blessed by our conversations, I could help but laugh as he would stop me mid-sentence and shout "Deer!", "Did you see that cat hit on the side of the road?". I just love him.

Our time together also gave me time to make my case for guitar lessons. His dream-filled, artistic tendencies need an outlet. I THINK I have made some progress in leading him to his natural inclinations. I THINK he is grasping the importance of some order. I THINK he understands the necessity of education in chasing dreams.

I KNOW we had a good time. I KNOW he will be something great, he already is.

No winner or loser in this game. A tie-and that's a victory.

Roll With It

The boys are working on pinewood derby cars for Cub Scouts. They had a trial run tonight, and of course two out of three of our boys had their wheels fall off half way down the track. Embarrassing! I could feel their anguish. We allowed them to make the decisions for their cars. Partly out of frustration, since Jerry and I are obviously the most ridiculous parents who know nothing about building a car(sarcasm intended). Parental guidance is needed and the boys recognize it..now. More importantly because we want them to plan and execute this on their own. I don't find any entertainment in attending an event like this with a parent controlled and completed entry. Out of pity the Scout leaders handed me two new cars to start over. Poor Owen and Sam couldn't believe their grand designs didn't follow through.
I get that.
B.C.(before children) or before marriage for that matter, some women envision what it will be like to marry their prince, raise perfect-looking children, quit their full-time jobs to stay at home with said perfect children and live a blissful fairytale....happily ever after.
Then you are married and the first year is pure hell. How did this handsome creature have so many infuriating habits I never noticed? How did I become hardened and immune to his charm when I used to melt at just the sight of him? How did I have three boys who enjoy nothing more than getting dirty, catching frogs, shooting guns, wrestling and really, just being boys? Where were the pigtails with pink ribbons, pretty dresses, painted fingernails?
All of it, part of God's plan. Marriage was hard because it takes work. It takes effort to really know your spouse, to learn and appreciate all the idiosyncrasies and the balance they give us. Allowing God to be at the center instead of my own selfish desires was a challenge. I had three little boys because there is joy in the wild hearts that run around this house and encouraging challenge in their "living life full throttle" attitudes. I am raising the men who will someday lead their households. The households that will bring me daughter-in-laws and maybe even granddaughters! Motherhood isn't always pretty. It's a loud, frustrating, worry-filled adventure that brings laughter, dancing and love. God love. Love you didn't understand until you had children.
Our grand design for our lives doesn't always turn out how we planned. It looks bigger and better when you fall under the right guidance. My life and the future, secure-wheeled pinewood derby cars serve as proof.

I Failed...Oh Wait!

Today has been a day. No different than any other day...pushing, shoving, yelling, me yelling..part of our daily routine. However today, I threatened to go on vacation for a week without them and see how smoothly their days go when I'm not here. Not my finest hour. I was just beyond frustration. Repeating myself, over-using the phrase "stop that", was more than I could handle on just one cup of coffee.
Later, I just sat in the bathtub trying to convince myself to be happy enough to enjoy dinner with my parents, siblings and niece and nephews(which I did), and cried. I'm exhausted and tired of feeling like a grouchy mom. The boy-ness in this house drowns me. I love all the things that make my boys, boys. Most of the time. Except for today. And today I cried. I failed.
As usual, when I see my sister's family, I end up with one of her angels and she takes one of mine. Cousin sleepovers are all the rage, you know. Sam and my nephew pulled out our art box and began drawing. Sam is working on shadowing(how cute is my little artist!). I watched for awhile then laid on the floor and picked up my own paper and pencil. We giggled as Sam told his "big stories" and Sam even asked if I would sign my work of art for him, as he did the same for me.
Then it was late. Bedtime tuck-ins, kisses, hugs, smiles. Sam told his cousin in response to I don't even know what; "That is one thing about my mom, she's always funny!" Who knew I was funny? Sammy did. Not grouchy, mean or ridiculous, I'm funny. Thanks for reminding me Sam. I haven't seen 'that mom' through my guilt, I'm glad you do.

Visually Arresting Part Deux

Since my previous "Visually Arresting" post my mood has changed dramatically. I have chosen to see the beauty all around me, naturally and created.
We recently had a snow day. My friend Tessa, her four girls, myself, and my three boys spent our day just "being". We did brave the hills for a little sled riding, then enjoyed hot chocolate and each other...all curled up on the couches, together. The day was frigid and gray. Our cheeks were rosy and lips smile-filled. The kids interacted like family. The girls giggled when Sammy mentioned his "nads", the boys were silenced at times by the clever wit of these adorable girls. I love when girls have a way of tripping up little know-it-all boys. Their uninhibited conversations...visually(and audibly)arresting.
Jerry and I spent some time over the weekend with some of our dearest friends. We always have the best time with this incredible group of comrades. Being in the presence of them always guarantees cheeks and stomachs sore from laughter. Feeling myself laugh out loud and seeing their faces sharing my enjoyment....visually arresting.
The boys had a wrestling match yesterday. Tanner saw one of our youngest teammates crying and quickly made his way to his side to assist in easing his stress. He looked like such a "big kid". Dosing out kindness on his own without provocation. For Tanner it was tournament day. He and only one other wrestler showed up out of the four that should have attended in his weight class. He had to wrestle the other boy two out of three matches to determine the victor. Tanner had wrestled this boy earlier in the season and knew he could easily overturn this opponent. After match one, Coach Daddy instructed Tanner not to "pin" the other young wrestler. "Think of this as good practice and let "Jake" feel like he has a chance"..."No Daddy, I just want to pin him and get it over with"...."Ok, you wrestle how you think you should." Tanner walked on to the mat and allowed the match to last the entire two periods, without a pin. He walked off the mat with integrity and parents gushing with pride. "Jake's" mom even pulled Tanner aside and thanked him for allowing Jake to not feel completely defeated. She stated "Your a very good boy."
His character shone above competition, a gold medal or physical strength...visually arresting.
And! My friend Lori and her kids showed up to watch the boys wrestle. Didn't call, wasn't expecting them. They just showed up. Her son made his way to me and I was so melted when he said "Will you tell the boys I said good luck, I haven't seen them yet!" Just showed up. I love that.
A random act of painting brightened my world today. I painted my dining table, red. For no apparent reason, not because it coordinates with my decor, only because I love color and red is a color. A warm color. A visually arresting color.
Winter in the midwest is still quite dreary...however my family and friends have reminded me that I can be arrested any time I want to be, if only I look.

Visually Arresting

I have been without a computer for a few days so all of my "wasting time on facebook" has become "wasting time watching television". I repeatedly saw a commercial for the movie "Tron". One of the reviews for the flick called it "Visually Arresting!". The words jumped off the screen, into my head. I'm not sure why except I'd never heard this grouping of words before. Visually Arresting. Sitting in my mind, just like that.
Winter in the Midwest is gray,white, slippery, cold, bitter...depressing. We spend most of our time "cooped up" and the "fun" activity of sled riding only leaves me with a headache. The wet boots, ten layers of clothing, hats and gloves thrown about and spilled hot chocolate is not my idea of a good time. I do an exceptional job at pretending that it is enjoyable, it's my mommy duty. The snow is pretty, for about the first five minutes it falls.
I told Jerry today that one thing I love about a new year is that spring is just around the corner. Resurrection, of beauty. Then I stopped myself from being an entirely irritating grouch and remembered that there is beauty all around me. God says so. I just have to find it. One beauty I found? The boys playing chess. Weird, I know. Jerry only taught them yesterday, in about fifteen minutes. I was captivated by their bright minds, part of their beauty. I was reminded they are sponges waiting for water, just as I wait for spring. As for any thing else? I'll keep looking. This may turn into a "part one" post. As soon as I'm "arrested".

Year Reviewed,-I'd give it a "6"

We celebrated New Years Day like this. And yes, we invited our laundry. It's like a cousin, the annoying one that stays too long and keeps coming back:

Because what better way to spend our new beginning after an exhausting 2010.

After our living room picnic, Sam and I cuddled up to a good book. He laid his chest on mine, closed his eyes and mine weren't far behind(props to the hubby for picking up the cam!)....like I said 2010 was exhausting: sports, numerous injuries, ER visits, an (ongoing) addition to our home and lots of learning about friendships.

What I loved in 2010:

• a memorable weekend away with fantastic couples
• a spontaneous family escape to the beach
• celebrating twelve years of marriage
• deepening bonds with friends
• watching walls expand in our home
• recurring cuddle times with the boys I feared they would outgrow by now
• The Shack

What I hated:

• kidney stones
• a broken wrist
• stitches
• another set of stitches
• truck repairs
• a group divided
• broken hearts
• I raised my voice (waaaaaaaay) too often

What I learned:

• no matter how tightly you assign a budget, it can be blown to hell
• whatever the issue or hurt, not talking about it makes it worse
• parents do not always know best
• sometimes when I am the most broken, I see God's plan the most clearly
• my "struggles" are minuscule in comparison to the load some have to carry
• I don't always have to be "the strong one", it's ok to need

One or more of each thing that I've loved, hated or learned in 2010 may happen again in 2011, like they did in 2009, 2008.........but they will never happen the same way. That is what I love about the turning of the calendar. New experiences. I may feel the same way-for different reasons. I may change my mind, I hope I do. I will change. That's how it works. Here's to a "10"! Cheers!

A lttle ditty to send you off with a smile..