Yes, I'm whining

Before I start I am fully aware of how blessed I am that this is just a bug and not a more serious, incurable sickness......however:

This is my blog so I guess I can whine and my sweet family has to be none the wiser. My husband has been home all of Christmas break which has been great. We have spent so much time together that the boys and I are feeling a little spoiled. Not once but twice this week as we were walking out the door to spend time with friends, which I have been dying to do, the flu has invaded my son's and then my husband's bodies and stranded us at home. I know I'm being a baby but we rarely have time to hang with friends like that and two different families invited us over and we had to cancel both times. Aaagh!! I even had make-up on! Enough said.

Where oh where will our home church be? Oh where....

We have been on a hunt. A hunt for a doctrinally sound, contemporary, relevant, PEOPLE LOVING church for a couple of months now and we have visited one in particular for about 3-4 weeks (if you count the online service they had yesterday). There isn't one thing I can say I dislike about it. When we walk in people are genuinely friendly and helpful. Worship is "upbeat". Message is sound. But I don't feel a pull to stay there, per se. We had become so comfortable in our church. Great circle of friends, a position God created for us to serve, and the same vicinity of pew, in which we parked ourselves every Sunday. We loved it there. Things happened and people were revealed. I'm ok (finally) with that part, mostly. It would be so easy to go back and sit in the same spot and just slide right back in our routine. But there is just something inside of me that says "there are a lot of FAR right people in our congregation that I just do not want to be identified with!" Our church has been seen in our community as "wealthy(which I am not), judgemental, bible thumpers" And my defense was always the same: we are being "persecuted" for standing on The Foundation, if they would just come they would see it isn't like that. Boy was I wrong.
After some really rough times over the past year, I have seen that as a body, those accusations are true to a degree. Although I don't think the majority are guilty, I think the minority has spoken over us all. I just refused to see it, in my own little area of service, with like-minded, freed up brothers and sisters, those people just did not exist to me.
So now we are church searching and it is tough. We've seen big, pretty ones, little country ones and some budding ones. There are things we'd like to take from all of them and put into one functioning body. I understand there is no perfect church, because we are not perfect but we need to find a landing strip. Even if our plane lifts off a year from now to a new and exciting destination, we need a layover.
I am so distracted by my search for a body it is interfering in my search for God's heart.

I'm back

Ok, so I haven't posted since December 16th. The holidays are such a busy time but they were wonderful. With our philosophy of "simplifying" (and the economy) we didn't think it would be responsible to over-do-it by showering our children with an over abundance of gifts. Of course they had plenty to open but we stuck to the basics. Every year prior it seemed we were searching for the latest and greatest. Even running out days before Christmas to fulfill every whim of commercial induced desire. I will admit that as we were wrapping, I said to my husband "Are you sure we got them enough, it doesn't look like much?" Are puzzles, toy guns and sleds going to bring joy to those little faces or disappointment? The more you give children, the more they expect, so did we give them too much before? Have we "spoiled" them and the anticipation of Christmas morning by trying to "keep up with the Jones'" in years past?.......NO!

The only person who noticed that we spent less and embraced practicality was me. We were enveloped with Joy as Tanner pulled Sam across the living room on their new slide and Owen shot the Christmas tree as he rode his leg-powered scooter into the kitchen while music pumped into his ears by the $10 CD player he received. I think your getting the picture. We spent less and gave more. A couple of days have passed and they haven't forgotten what they got for Christmas like every year before.........So long to Christmas' s retail obsessed past.

Pajama Saturday

Over the weekend, Jerry had to work, it was cold outside and of course, it's the holiday season, so we've been very busy. Our house is constantly under (self-inflicted)construction and even though I love it here, I haven't created that "haven" since we moved 11 months ago! We've shared meals and done the normal family "routine", but have been lacking some play time recently. So we decided to have a pajama day. We agreed very early in the morning (5am to be exact, gotta love early risers, right?) that we would stay in our PJ's all day and just have fun. We began our morning watching some classic Christmas cartoons with all 3 boys piled on and around me on the couch. Next came the glue gun, at the boys' suggestion. The boys always attend the "Build n Grow" workshops at Lowe's(if you don't already, you should. Kids love it and it's FREE!)and with their projects receive a badge to put on their little woodworker's apron. We were so behind, sorting and dividing all the badges was a game in itself. Then we built some of those Lowe's projects that we had laying around the house. Tanner took it a step further and gathered sticks from the woods behind our house. He wanted to make a birdhouse with them. Well they at least got nailed together....oh well, it was fun!!!

Dinner was next. A menu they planned. Macaroni & Cheese and Mandarin Oranges. YUM! We set the table together and it was all ready when Daddy came home..to a messy house. He didn't care he was just so proud of his boys (and me, ha ha) for working and playing so well together.

When the day ended, I spent five minutes laying next to each one in their beds and just discussing their worlds.

When I walked out from the last conversation, I told Jer, "This is the kind of Mommy I want to be everyday", one who is a little more familiar than this "crazy lady" of late.

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Today is my Birthday(well technically it ended 8 min ago)

That's right. Today I turned 33. Which I had to ask my husband how old I was going to be, as I always do. Time goes to fast. A cliche', I know, but I feel like I was 20 yesterday. However, one wonderful marriage, three babies with bottles, diapers, blankies, preschool, kindergarten, grade school, doctors and dentist appointments, baseball, wrestling and one football season later, here I am...33. I can't remember really celebrating turning 23, 24, 25 etc. Instead of numbers I look back and count my age in moments. I was a party girl. I met my husband. He asked me to marry him. We had a beautiful wedding. I met my Heavenly Father We bought our first house. We found out we were expecting. We had a beloved baby boy. We gushed. He walked. We sold our first house. Bought our second house. We were expecting again. Another precious boy. He wore us out. We were given the blessing of and unexpected pregnancy. Yet another incredible boy...(how is it possible he is 5?) All of those moments add up to 30.

My firstborn started Kindergarten. We gushed again. Then my middle child started Kindergarten. I embark on a journey to own and operate my own business. We sold our second house. Downsized. Simplified. Bought our third house. Celebrated our 10 year Anniversary(yea!). We experience a spiritual crisis. Holding Fast. Oldest two children enter 3rd and 1st grade. Our baby begins Preschool. Those moments bring me here. 33. unbelievable.

I am so thankful for all my moments even if they do make me 33 years old according to the calendar. I am married to my best friend. I was reading an article about Dr. Phil the other day and he made the comment about his wife "If I wasn't married to her, I'd search the world high and low to find her". What a beautiful way to sum up your love for your spouse. So I'm stealing it and making it my own...."Babe if I weren't married to you, I would never settle for less than you and would wait for my prince to find his "princess"."

The only moment I have yet to fully experience is who is Betty? She is strong willed yet a little of an introvert. She is independent yet needy. She is a hard worker yet mostly unpaid. She loves her husband and kids hard but she is more than a wife and a mother. She is a sinner but she is forgiven......those things I know. But she used to be fun, social and always creating or dreaming. That girl needs to resurface....make a comeback. There have been so many we's and they's(that I wouldn't change) at the center of my focus, I have lost her or at least she's wearing a disguise.

So, Happy Birthday to me. I can't wait to discover all the moments that make me 34.