Ouch!

This is too funny. Some of you know we recently brought a lamb into the Quillin family. Well he is about 4 weeks old now and it is time for him to be neutered. This has come as quite a shock to my 3 boys. They can't fathom why anyone would do such a thing. "Will his "pee bug" fall off?" "He doesn't want that done!" I'm sorry if you don't find this humorous but when you live in house filled with testosterone you learn quickly that when it comes to the family jewels, men, of any species will unite.

On this blog: Censorship(of truth) Prohibited

If you've read my blog you may think I'm pretty pessimistic. I would say more skeptical but as of late, pessimistic is probably appropriate. If there is one thing I can't stand, a pet peeve per se, is censorship. I love the truth even when it hurts. If you see a behavior in me that needs reproof, I may break down like a crying newborn but I am so thankful for the fact that you loved me enough to bring it to me, face to face, here it is, work it out, truth.
Church Politics has entered into my life and quite frankly, it sucks! Our church is in pursuit of a new "lead" pastor. This should be a fairly smooth transition....but a year? Come on! However sometimes when people are given power they have never had before, they tend to push their own agenda instead of looking in the best interest of the body, and God's intentions. God fearing, people loving, innocent, individuals have been stratigically tripped, to fall in the mud, rolled around in that mud and left sheilding themselves from the slinging of that mud as they gracefully walk away from a battle that should have never been launced. You may say, if this church is led by God how can there be a problem? Well, man has free will, always has, that is why the world is in the state it is today(a whole other blog for another day). Many men believe they know better than God. Anyone familiar with Peter? Of course they would never say that out loud, it's more of a heart attitude. Maybe they aren't even aware of it. Because it's hidden. Until it's not.
We are not children who need protected and given half truths. Lay it out, how it is so we can make informed, prayer led decisions. That is all we wanted.
The longer this process takes the more deceptiveness is revealed. Screened questions, forced departures, smear campaigns=divided body. I've been sitting on a lot of this for a while now, not wanting to divide. That time has passed and I feel this is actually more like a plea or a defense. When people start a destructive process and leave when they don't achieve their goal, they should stay gone. We are still here trying to pick up the pieces and the pouring of toxic waste(via social networking websites) on top of the debris is only infecting people trying to rebuild and move on. And when you attempt to infect our body, at least give them all the facts, not just opinions and open ended surveys. What is that song? "High School Never Ends".... We're all grown ups here, let's act like it. Remember who we are to be glorifying and what He really thinks of all this.
Search Him. Open your hearts. Hear the Word. Give Forgiveness generously. Recieve it graciously. Be Real. Be You. Allow me to be me. Different is just different.
I am cautiously optimistic as a new candidate has been announced. My prayer is that he will be as strong a leader that is needed to give loving rebuke to a church divided.

I've got nothin'!

Today my mind is blank. I have nothing to say about anything but I am watching the Presidential Debate so tommorrow may be a different story.

My favorite season

For me, this is the best time of year. I call it "football weather". It brings me back to a time when all my friday nites were spent with friends, hot chocolate and victories. Ahh, what a carefree time that was. Now football has a different context in my life, my "baby" is on the field. What a warrior he is and I am so proud of him but those little guys can really knock you for a loop! I'm not really a worrier, I just can't believe 7-10 year olds play tackle football. Besides who has time to worry when you have two other children, 5+7 running back and forth to the playground and constantly asking for money for concessions as you just as consistantly say "no, no.....no". Oh and did I mention the very competitive Daddy(God love him!)seated next to me? It's ok honey, their just kids, they DON'T take it that seriously. Yes, football is very different than those carefree days of old but I'm sure when I am 42 and fall approaches once again, and that "baby" is driving away to some prestigous university, I will replace those original carefree times in memory, for the one I am living right now. Somehow when life seems crazy I can step out in the middle of the day to the warm, comfortable sun or walk in the cool of the evening and find a tremendous comfort and peace. I think because this season passes so quickly, I try my best to take it slow. I think the sport of my middle son, cross country, sums up my approach to autumn: pace yourself but stay in the race.

Slight Mood Change

Okay, Okay, I've calmed down.....a little. Today was a really good day for my family. Nothing monumental, just lots of talking and laughing over dinner, story time @ the library, the simplicity I mentioned in a previous post. This is what God gives me when I need to be centered and focused on what my mission is. That doesn't mean that I am over my post content of yesterday-not by a long shot! but I look at my kids and I think how can I exibit the benefit of God's grace and love if I am so angry all the time? Anger is a human emotion that was given to me by God and his command is "be angry and sin not".Right? I'm not sure if my love for brutal truth is sin, and if it is, I ask for forgiveness but I try to be real in everything I do. I want my kids to see authenticity, recognize it, be accepting of it, and live it themselves. This may all seem random but in my head I know exactly what I'm saying and what I mean.

Playground Rules

I just read a disturbing comment to a friend's blog and have to ask........Does anyone else feel like they are playing in a sandbox with hundreds of kids then a few bullies come in and destroy everyone's toys and then pack up their own and leave the rest of us to pick up the pieces? What happened to Mom's playground rule "Play nice, no pushing and if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all!" Let alone, the Golden Rule "Treat others the way you want to be treated".
I am frustrated and tired of pretending everything is just running the course of God's will. God's will is not for me to sit in an idle church while everyone gets out of their own way to start ministering to the people of this world. Christianity is not a do and don't, left or right, yours or mine society. It is an undeserved gift given by the Creator, to us who have believed and confessed his death, burial and ressurection for the covering of our sin. We have been given a huge commission to humbly reach the lost with His good news, however being in a church body who continues to self focus and tear down brothers and sisters in Christ, has put a hinderance on that very body and their commission. Sure it doesn't change my commission individually, but it has tainted it, in my heart. Yes and that is mine to deal with, with God, I get that.
I 100% believe that God is in ultimate control but that man's free will can make a 100 meter dash into a cross country, endurance race. Can we just all be real for 5 minutes please? We will not all, at anytime, see things exactly the same way. Constantly trying to prove yourself right will only breed bitterness toward your brother, whom you are weakening by dismissing his different(not neccessarily wrong, just DIFFERENT) opionion.
I feel like everyday I am sincerely casting out my "forgiveness net" over "Christians" who are standing readily with their "swords of the Spirit" HA! to slice my net wide open.
Believe me I have said these same things to myself but as a real, emotion wearing, imperfect, freed up Christ follower, enough is enough. Be confident in how God built you to serve him and not threatened by how he made me to serve and worship. Stop looking for a cookie cutter design of Christianity to follow. Actually follow Christ! Now there's a novel idea! We have become known by what we don't do instead of what we do, and at this point I hope that still remains partially true. I'd hate for the lost people in this world to see this local church as children who don't play well with others and won't share. I have less drama with my 3 boys who are under the age of 8!

Simplicity

I am a new blogger. I am a thinker and sometimes I just have to say (or write) those thoughts out loud to give my wonderful husband's ear a rest.
Everything is so busy all the time, for everyone I know. I just have this overwhelming need for simplicity in my life. I have a great life, husband and children. But with that great life comes schedules that you don't create and time that you don't control. One thing I now know is that every moment we have at home is a precious one. I sat at my dinner table tonight and looked at my kids and how fast they are growing and even though I've always stayed home with them I think " Where was I when they grew up?" I know they still need me and it's not like their going to college..........yet but they have started school and have lives that I'm not part of 8 hours a day. I take pride that we have raised them to be independent thinkers but it's tough to watch them take steps toward who they will become and you are helpless to slow it down. This is not a complaint, just an observation that when someone says "they grow up so fast" they mean that literally.
Finding my own independence again has been both a struggle and exciting. I've started my own business, making purses and that is very challenging and rewarding, a great creative outlet. I am in the interview process of volunteering for BBBS, something I've always wanted to do, I am excited to begin mentoring.
I don't want to be the person whose life begins when their kids move out, however there is some "mommy guilt" which I know, logically, is unwarranted but once you have kids, a large portion of your time is invested in them, and doing something for yourself feels selfish. I hope that my kids will view me as strong, giving and daring-not self centered.
I want to get back to the girl I was 10 years ago who was outgoing and social. I feel she has gotten lost in our own home and she is making a comeback, my husband will enjoy seeing her again. I love that I have more individual time with him now-he is my balance.