It was supposed to be FUN!

Today was a rough one. I had a "perfect" day planned with my youngest son Samuel. He had some money he earned, burning a hole in his pocket and I have been extremely busy working lately so today was going to be about him. Mommy & Me time. None of the "I can't right now honey, mommy's working", "You'll have to play by yourself sweetie, mommy's working". I think he gets it "mommy's working". I was just as tired of saying it as he was hearing it. So today we were going to the dollar store, lunch at McDonald's, and back home for all the imaginative play he could muster and maybe even the library. Well, the distribution of his funds was easy then off to lunch. Started off well, great conversation, smiles and giggles. Then a friend and her granddaughter came in and sat beside us, which interpreted, is an audience. He thought it hilarious to throw out phrases such as "Mommy, wanna eat my underwear?"...(WHAT!?), "I just farted on this cheeseburger, hee hee!" (the seats look like cheeseburgers). Trying to keep my cool, I patiently remind him to use his table manners, not to be rude and not to talk like that in front of ladies. He doesn't stop. Until they leave.

Ok, regroup. It's alright. Let's just play- which really was the highlight of the day. As long as Sam can tell people what to do, he's having a good time. But all good things must come to an end. I had to do a little cleaning up before the other 2 came home. The tears begin to flow-"Your mean!" "Call someone to come play with me", "I'm bored, there's nothing to doooo"-and it doesn't stop......all night....and daddy already had plans with the older 2 boys.....no relief. So after 3 hours of tears and complaints I tell him to get a board game that we can play. He set it up and play resumes..He seems pleased....until he doesn't get the card he wanted....feet start kicking....tears resume. I warn him and he takes his turn...still not the card he wanted...whining and attitude present. Having to stand my ground , I pack up the game and put it away. I have to walk away so I get into the shower while he moans outside the bathroom door. Enough is enough, "get ready for bed". More distress. (Daddy, please come home!! Mommy needs reinforcement!) He's still crying....himself to sleep............Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh. Oh and I almost forgot in the midst of all this drama, our new puppy kept having "accidents" in the house regardless of his recent and regularly scheduled bathroom breaks

I know kids are selfish by nature and these days happen. But why does it always seem to coincide with the rare one on one time. He's 5, not 3...right? Is he seeing this ungratefulness in my life? This isn't my first experience with this behaviour in my children but it is never any less frustrating. We didn't make it to the library...........The End.

What's on your ipod?

iam having a totally, well not totally, unproductive evening. You see, as iexperience successes in my business, ireward myself with gifts. No, not often. It's my love language-receiving gifts-and I'm not someone who shops endlessly due to lack of time and money. Anyhow, ibuy something for myself intsead of cutting myself a monetary check. Sometimes it's something simple, like a hair cut(usually way overdue!), this month it was an ipod(oh yea and some time in Georgia). At the beginning stage of a business so many of the funds are reinvested into growth so a paycheck is irregular, at least for me, so when I have been overwhelmed with orders ilike to treat myself now and then.
Like isaid....the ipod. iwent with the nano so icould afford to put songs onto this fun little device. ihave spent a ridiculous amount of time(jerry too) on itunes saying "what's that one song...?", "Oh, this is a good one!" and "Wow babe, look at this playlist, we are definitely INTO our 30's"
ilove all types of music. Worship, rap, hip hop, country, oldies(like my mom's music), oldies(like my kids call my music)......really anything, but especially songs with great harmonies. So now that ihave a whopping 93 downloads ihave been analyzing my playlists(why should this be different than anything else?). Now before iproceed, understand this is only my perspective on music choice, so in advance iapologize if your offended. istrive to be non judgemental, not indecisive, just not a scorner of other people's choices. Hopefully sometimes a light and always a friend who can reciprocate a real relationship. itend to believe someone who only likes one type of music leans on the close minded end of the spectrum. If you love pop but hate every other style of music, you are missing out on the unique contributions other styles lend to the art of music(isay as iam listening to hillsong united followed by tone-loc...seriously!) How can you be more relational than Country? Understand the stuggles of poverty and inner-city life more than in the lyrics of Rap? Less stressed than while dancing to a peppy pointless Pop Song? More taken back to your courtship than the sound of you and your husband's Power Ballad?...More connected to the Spirit than in the heart of Worship? Sure you can prefer one over the other but what would happen if you opened yourself up to something different, appreciated it for what is, and then carried that concept into friendships and even into ministry? iknow that if we were less busy judging and more busy developing a level of acceptance, we could build genuine relationships exceedingly and reach those who are starving for the ultimate acceptance. Before isign off, please know iget that we all struggle with judgement, we're human, it's a sin flaw, idon't claim to be above it, ijust think that it is the obstacle to beautiful harmonies. So I ask.....What's on your ipod?
p.s. im sorry this was so long, if all of my parenthesis annoy you and for ending my post with a question 2 days in a row!

Find Your Thing

As a stay-at-home mom I have been able to be witness incredible views...first smiles, first words, first steps and first days of school. Being a wife and a mother are my favorite jobs. However 2 years ago, I got an itch. An itch to do something for me (that will eventually benefit my family). I am a creative, driven, inventive personality. How vain right? Well no. Being a full time diaper changing, bottle making, laundry doing, meal preparing momma has it's periods of monotony. And during those periods, frustration and discontent set in. Not with your family but with the inability to release those dreams and ambitions you had before them. As long as I can remember I have wanted to simultaneously be home with my family and own my own business. So did a lot of serious introspection. God designed me uniquely gifted and I literally took inventory of those gifts. I love design..of houses, clothing, creation. I am a dreamer...a forward, what if this could happen thinker. I love to work with my hands...ideas manifested. I'm passionate...about almost everything.-what I like or dislike-there is usually no indifference in me. So with these gifts in mind I began playing with my sewing machine...long story short..I am enjoying gradual and increasing success in owning my own home-based business. I am designing, assembling and selling my own line of handbags, bugotot. The brand name is a combination of my three son's nick names: Tanner bug, Owie(Owen) and Tiny tot(Samuel).
This was my thing. My creative outlet. My sense of accomplishment. My dream realized.
One thing that brings me great joy is seeing other moms finding their thing. I feel a sense of pride in seeing all this hidden potential and talent revealed. The inspiration for this post did not only come from my own story but one that has just begun to be written. Jess and her friend Ginny are also stay-at-home moms who are embarking on their own business venture. Jess is an artist in every sense of the word, painting, writing and an overall eye for beauty. She has an incredible heart for service. To God and people. She, like me, strives to live simply. So with all these traits in which God instilled into her combined with Ginny's unique gifts they have launched a website. A resource for moms in our county to find free entertainment and educational outings. Save money, share tips, find encouragement and encourage (and allow moms with home-based businesses to advertise for free, added bonus, but not the reason for my excitement). I am thrilled to see these two mommies use their God infused talents into something that will not only prosper their spirits but others as well. Even if your not a local, you should check it out www.tuscmom.com. Very inspiring.
I realize not all stay-at-home moms have this desire but if you do, get the pen and the paper and write down the things that make you..you. What do you love? What are your talents? Your personality? How can I shape those dreams into real life achievement? What is my thing?

Metamorphosis

Little boys, at the beginning are like every other child. they need nurtured, loved, fed, rocked.....they need their mommy. However, before you know it these sweet little creatures begin to realize they are something special...warriors. When mommy comes into the room expecting morning kisses, she may get one....followed by "bang, bang!" That's right a gunshot. Who taught them that fingers could pose as weapons? To climb trees at heights that mommy won't attempt and contemplates calling the local fire department for rescue? When did these sweet little babies become incapable of passing their brothers in the hallway without tackling?

"Mommies don't wrestle" is a constant in my vocabulary. Boys are inherently just that....BOYS. Created to exhibit strength. Do everything "hard"...play hard, love hard, and hard willed. Determined to prove their manliness by peeing on trees and accumulating scars. Convincing the baby-sitter that "mommy lets us" fill up a barrel and drop our 4 yr old brother into it as long as he's wearing his life jacket. The list goes on. With all this will and determination it is sometimes easy to feel inadequate in molding them. I can see daily, what a great job Daddy is doing. Teaching them responsibility, discipline, work, shaping them into the men they will become and just giving them the rough play they crave. When will I see the grace and empathy that I diligently strive to instill? The answer? Today. My oldest son is now 9. Over the last couple of months there has been a maturity switch that has flipped in him. He willingly obeys, he's immediately remorseful of backtalk and actually offers helpfulness. Yesterday while playing outside with Daddy he came running toward the door in 100% boy style. Aggressively and quickly. I heard the stampede approaching but didn't think twice about it until it happened. From my helpless perspective, it was in slow motion. Two hands braced straight forward intending to push open a door, come straight through out-dated, single pane glass. Instantly I am in well disguised panic mode, crossing hundreds of shards of glass to draw him in and inspect. "Are you ok, are you cut?(over and over again) Two 1/2 inch scrapes, that's all. Fear and the bleeding cuts produced little tears. The downpour came after he looked at Daddy cleaning up the mess. "I'm so sorry I broke the door" he managed to say through his sobbing. We repeatedly and genuinely explained we didn't care about the door, our concern was him. But he felt so badly, we could only assure him of our forgiveness and let him cry it out in our arms. This morning as he kissed me before he walked out that same door..."I really am sorry that I broke the door, Mommy, I know your glad I'm ok, but I just want you to know I meant it when I said I was sorry. I don't want you or Daddy to have to work extra to pay for it."

I'm so proud of you Tanner..the child you are and the man you will be. I'm so thankful for your tender heart!~Love Mommy

Breathing

"God often allows His own provision to cease in order to teach us that all provision comes from Him and not from the intermediate source that He provides."~Pastor Paul Richardson, West Ridge Church, Georgia.
You may have to read and re-read this quote for it to make sense(and read 1Kings 17:8-16)....I only had to read it once. God sent Elijah to drought stricken Zarephath to stay with a widow and her son. Elijah asked her for water and cake. She replied that she had only enough for her and her son and then they would die. But Elijah told her to get the cake for him first and then for her and her son. "For thus saith the Lord God of Israel, The barrel of meal shall not waste, neither shall the cruse of oil fail, until the day that the Lord sendeth rain upon the earth"17:14. Just a side note, If I only had enough food in the kitchen to feed my children one more time I don't know if I would feed the stranger first. However, she did and her meal nor oil never ran out.....it's not raining yet. This was the premise and inspiration of the message...
Drought. Promises. Miracles.
I have to fill in some missing pieces that made this so profoundly relevant to me. I was "running away" from Ohio weather to (supposedly) warm and sunny Georgia, where they are literally experiencing a drought. And you guessed it! The whole time I was there is was cool, gloomy and RAINING!! The past year has been a heavy spiritual trial for Jer and I and some of our dearest friends, who I was there to visit. I was so excited to step into their new world and see them "at home". Besides their literal home being beautiful, they have exciting prospects in the works and found an incredible local church,which I also visited. I didn't have a lot of expectations. First time visits to churches are typically uneventful. Filled with awkwardness and distraction from the message due to one's preoccupation with curiosity. Not this church. Not for me. Not familiar with their worship songs allowed me to meditate on the words being sung to my God. The rain poured from my eyes and outside the windows. The soil in my dry, broken heart was moistened. I was breathing, in church no less. If you follow this blog you'll understand. Following worship the pastor taught from the fore mentioned passage. He spoke of the droughts people suffer, mine-"a drought in spirit" and how "it hadn't rained in soo long!" Continuously wiping rain drops from my cheeks and hearing them all around me was no irony. It was God. Reminding me "I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee(Heb 13:5c)". After the service, Heidi asked if I was ok, and I told her "I'm good, I just haven't been able to breathe like that in church for soooo long." The fact was, I was lightened, lifted and reunited.....but that's a lot to express when it's raining. I was breathing. I know one service is not the rain that I'm praying for but I will take these scattered showers until it does.......it's not raining yet.............but it will.
(another non-coincidence, read the rest of 1Kings 17. the widow's son falls seriously ill and "there was no breath left in him". Elijah cries out to God and the Lord hears him and the boy is "revived"~totally read that 2 days after I made the breathing comment)

I'm home

Not right now because I'm hangin with my honey, but I can't wait to post about my trip....check back soon...it was great!!

Escape

I'm headed out. Georgia, here I come. A weekend with a dear friend, no husband or kids(as much as I love them)=fun and relaxation. AHHHH. I've been away for days at a time with Jerry but never by myself for more than a day. I'M SO EXCITED! I hate to see my kids growing so fast, I miss the "baby days" but I have also always longed for the days when they were easier to care for and I could just pick up and leave for the weekend without worry..not often...just when needed. Not to self edify, but I have been working a lot, the handbag business is doing well in this strange economy and I needed to get away.
My sweet friend Heidi moved to Georgia a couple of months ago and they came back this week to pick up some of their belongings to move into their new home. While her hubby will be driving the moving truck, he suggested that she ask someone to ride back with her and then fly them home....I am so blessed...she asked me. I can't wait to see their new hometown, house and church. I don't care what we do I'm just so excited to be with her and share her new experiences.
Sorry to say...no mommy guilt here. Or should I say "Happy to say...". I've reached a point in my life where I realize no one spends more time with my children than I do and it's a valid investment that will not falter because I go away for the weekend. Although wife and mom are the most beloved titles I own, I sometimes complain about my role. You know, "I never have days off", "When you(husband) leave work, its fun time" "When do I get a day off?" "I can't go away, who will cook, do the dishes, lay out the kids clothes?" All the excuses stay-at-home moms use to not make time for themselves. Add this word to your vocabulary...
Rejuvenate~1 a: to make young or youthful again : give new vigor to b: to restore to an original or new state 2 a: to stimulate (a stream) to renewed erosive activity especially by uplift b: to develop youthful features of topography in(Merriam-Webster Online)
Wouldn't that be a great way to return to your family and a priceless verb to add to your resume?

Job Description: Wife & Mom
Salary: hahahahahahaha...Nope!
Goals: To be 100% present with my husband and children while building my own business
Responsibilities: Love always, Follow, Lead, Hug & Kiss, Referee, Read, Heal boo boo's, Counsel, Teach.
Quarterly Tasks: Rejuvenate. ( profitable restoration for a mom and inevitably the whole family. aka-profit sharing!)
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Disney on Ice Baby!!!

I feel like a little kid!! Tomorrow I am taking my 5 year old son to his (and Mine) first Ice Capades!(Do they even call it that anymore?) The anticipation of his big blue eyes staring in amazment at his favorite Disney Characters is stirring butterflies in my stomach!!! It's "our little secret" until the brothers come home from school tomorrow...otherwise I would never get them on the bus in the morning....and it is so sweet to share this hidden getaway with him. Being the third child, he and I have not had as much one on one time together, logistically it hasn't been possible. But with the other two in school everday, it is....we have shared countless days talking, sharing, exploring and creating. "Dates" have been more frequent and tomorrow is a BIG ONE!!! I can't wait to spend the whole day with you Sammy! I love you!!!