A Little One on One

Report cards were handed out yesterday. As usual, Tanner, our dreamer of the bunch, maintained his "B" average. Also, as usual, he had three check marks indicating areas in need of improvement: 'Listening and Following Directions', 'Demonstrating Organizational Skills' and 'Using Time Wisely'. No surprise there.

Tanner is the most loving, tender-hearted, fun soul. He is also the child with the shortest attention span, the most entertaining stories and a plethora of useless facts he interjects at the most random of times. After using the "take away what they love method" and lecturing since the second grade, I was eagerly awaiting this time of discussion.

We decided since Dad, Owen and Sam were at wrestling practice, Tanner and I would take a drive and visit Granny and Pop. We had about 25 minutes driving each way, more than enough time for communicating with a boy. I was able to acknowledge again his complete disgust of school. He is so bright, yet school is not his fave. I was able to explain to him that his Father expects him to do all things as if "for the Lord"...with order and his whole heart. This made sense to him. For his young years, he is very spiritually intuitive. Whenever I can give him instruction supported by The Word, I see the lights come on through his eyes.

But let's not forget he is of the male species. Although I am thoroughly blessed by our conversations, I could help but laugh as he would stop me mid-sentence and shout "Deer!", "Did you see that cat hit on the side of the road?". I just love him.

Our time together also gave me time to make my case for guitar lessons. His dream-filled, artistic tendencies need an outlet. I THINK I have made some progress in leading him to his natural inclinations. I THINK he is grasping the importance of some order. I THINK he understands the necessity of education in chasing dreams.

I KNOW we had a good time. I KNOW he will be something great, he already is.

No winner or loser in this game. A tie-and that's a victory.

Roll With It

The boys are working on pinewood derby cars for Cub Scouts. They had a trial run tonight, and of course two out of three of our boys had their wheels fall off half way down the track. Embarrassing! I could feel their anguish. We allowed them to make the decisions for their cars. Partly out of frustration, since Jerry and I are obviously the most ridiculous parents who know nothing about building a car(sarcasm intended). Parental guidance is needed and the boys recognize it..now. More importantly because we want them to plan and execute this on their own. I don't find any entertainment in attending an event like this with a parent controlled and completed entry. Out of pity the Scout leaders handed me two new cars to start over. Poor Owen and Sam couldn't believe their grand designs didn't follow through.
I get that.
B.C.(before children) or before marriage for that matter, some women envision what it will be like to marry their prince, raise perfect-looking children, quit their full-time jobs to stay at home with said perfect children and live a blissful fairytale....happily ever after.
Then you are married and the first year is pure hell. How did this handsome creature have so many infuriating habits I never noticed? How did I become hardened and immune to his charm when I used to melt at just the sight of him? How did I have three boys who enjoy nothing more than getting dirty, catching frogs, shooting guns, wrestling and really, just being boys? Where were the pigtails with pink ribbons, pretty dresses, painted fingernails?
All of it, part of God's plan. Marriage was hard because it takes work. It takes effort to really know your spouse, to learn and appreciate all the idiosyncrasies and the balance they give us. Allowing God to be at the center instead of my own selfish desires was a challenge. I had three little boys because there is joy in the wild hearts that run around this house and encouraging challenge in their "living life full throttle" attitudes. I am raising the men who will someday lead their households. The households that will bring me daughter-in-laws and maybe even granddaughters! Motherhood isn't always pretty. It's a loud, frustrating, worry-filled adventure that brings laughter, dancing and love. God love. Love you didn't understand until you had children.
Our grand design for our lives doesn't always turn out how we planned. It looks bigger and better when you fall under the right guidance. My life and the future, secure-wheeled pinewood derby cars serve as proof.

I Failed...Oh Wait!

Today has been a day. No different than any other day...pushing, shoving, yelling, me yelling..part of our daily routine. However today, I threatened to go on vacation for a week without them and see how smoothly their days go when I'm not here. Not my finest hour. I was just beyond frustration. Repeating myself, over-using the phrase "stop that", was more than I could handle on just one cup of coffee.
Later, I just sat in the bathtub trying to convince myself to be happy enough to enjoy dinner with my parents, siblings and niece and nephews(which I did), and cried. I'm exhausted and tired of feeling like a grouchy mom. The boy-ness in this house drowns me. I love all the things that make my boys, boys. Most of the time. Except for today. And today I cried. I failed.
As usual, when I see my sister's family, I end up with one of her angels and she takes one of mine. Cousin sleepovers are all the rage, you know. Sam and my nephew pulled out our art box and began drawing. Sam is working on shadowing(how cute is my little artist!). I watched for awhile then laid on the floor and picked up my own paper and pencil. We giggled as Sam told his "big stories" and Sam even asked if I would sign my work of art for him, as he did the same for me.
Then it was late. Bedtime tuck-ins, kisses, hugs, smiles. Sam told his cousin in response to I don't even know what; "That is one thing about my mom, she's always funny!" Who knew I was funny? Sammy did. Not grouchy, mean or ridiculous, I'm funny. Thanks for reminding me Sam. I haven't seen 'that mom' through my guilt, I'm glad you do.

Visually Arresting Part Deux

Since my previous "Visually Arresting" post my mood has changed dramatically. I have chosen to see the beauty all around me, naturally and created.
We recently had a snow day. My friend Tessa, her four girls, myself, and my three boys spent our day just "being". We did brave the hills for a little sled riding, then enjoyed hot chocolate and each other...all curled up on the couches, together. The day was frigid and gray. Our cheeks were rosy and lips smile-filled. The kids interacted like family. The girls giggled when Sammy mentioned his "nads", the boys were silenced at times by the clever wit of these adorable girls. I love when girls have a way of tripping up little know-it-all boys. Their uninhibited conversations...visually(and audibly)arresting.
Jerry and I spent some time over the weekend with some of our dearest friends. We always have the best time with this incredible group of comrades. Being in the presence of them always guarantees cheeks and stomachs sore from laughter. Feeling myself laugh out loud and seeing their faces sharing my enjoyment....visually arresting.
The boys had a wrestling match yesterday. Tanner saw one of our youngest teammates crying and quickly made his way to his side to assist in easing his stress. He looked like such a "big kid". Dosing out kindness on his own without provocation. For Tanner it was tournament day. He and only one other wrestler showed up out of the four that should have attended in his weight class. He had to wrestle the other boy two out of three matches to determine the victor. Tanner had wrestled this boy earlier in the season and knew he could easily overturn this opponent. After match one, Coach Daddy instructed Tanner not to "pin" the other young wrestler. "Think of this as good practice and let "Jake" feel like he has a chance"..."No Daddy, I just want to pin him and get it over with"...."Ok, you wrestle how you think you should." Tanner walked on to the mat and allowed the match to last the entire two periods, without a pin. He walked off the mat with integrity and parents gushing with pride. "Jake's" mom even pulled Tanner aside and thanked him for allowing Jake to not feel completely defeated. She stated "Your a very good boy."
His character shone above competition, a gold medal or physical strength...visually arresting.
And! My friend Lori and her kids showed up to watch the boys wrestle. Didn't call, wasn't expecting them. They just showed up. Her son made his way to me and I was so melted when he said "Will you tell the boys I said good luck, I haven't seen them yet!" Just showed up. I love that.
A random act of painting brightened my world today. I painted my dining table, red. For no apparent reason, not because it coordinates with my decor, only because I love color and red is a color. A warm color. A visually arresting color.
Winter in the midwest is still quite dreary...however my family and friends have reminded me that I can be arrested any time I want to be, if only I look.

Visually Arresting

I have been without a computer for a few days so all of my "wasting time on facebook" has become "wasting time watching television". I repeatedly saw a commercial for the movie "Tron". One of the reviews for the flick called it "Visually Arresting!". The words jumped off the screen, into my head. I'm not sure why except I'd never heard this grouping of words before. Visually Arresting. Sitting in my mind, just like that.
Winter in the Midwest is gray,white, slippery, cold, bitter...depressing. We spend most of our time "cooped up" and the "fun" activity of sled riding only leaves me with a headache. The wet boots, ten layers of clothing, hats and gloves thrown about and spilled hot chocolate is not my idea of a good time. I do an exceptional job at pretending that it is enjoyable, it's my mommy duty. The snow is pretty, for about the first five minutes it falls.
I told Jerry today that one thing I love about a new year is that spring is just around the corner. Resurrection, of beauty. Then I stopped myself from being an entirely irritating grouch and remembered that there is beauty all around me. God says so. I just have to find it. One beauty I found? The boys playing chess. Weird, I know. Jerry only taught them yesterday, in about fifteen minutes. I was captivated by their bright minds, part of their beauty. I was reminded they are sponges waiting for water, just as I wait for spring. As for any thing else? I'll keep looking. This may turn into a "part one" post. As soon as I'm "arrested".

Year Reviewed,-I'd give it a "6"

We celebrated New Years Day like this. And yes, we invited our laundry. It's like a cousin, the annoying one that stays too long and keeps coming back:

Because what better way to spend our new beginning after an exhausting 2010.

After our living room picnic, Sam and I cuddled up to a good book. He laid his chest on mine, closed his eyes and mine weren't far behind(props to the hubby for picking up the cam!)....like I said 2010 was exhausting: sports, numerous injuries, ER visits, an (ongoing) addition to our home and lots of learning about friendships.

What I loved in 2010:

• a memorable weekend away with fantastic couples
• a spontaneous family escape to the beach
• celebrating twelve years of marriage
• deepening bonds with friends
• watching walls expand in our home
• recurring cuddle times with the boys I feared they would outgrow by now
• The Shack

What I hated:

• kidney stones
• a broken wrist
• stitches
• another set of stitches
• truck repairs
• a group divided
• broken hearts
• I raised my voice (waaaaaaaay) too often

What I learned:

• no matter how tightly you assign a budget, it can be blown to hell
• whatever the issue or hurt, not talking about it makes it worse
• parents do not always know best
• sometimes when I am the most broken, I see God's plan the most clearly
• my "struggles" are minuscule in comparison to the load some have to carry
• I don't always have to be "the strong one", it's ok to need

One or more of each thing that I've loved, hated or learned in 2010 may happen again in 2011, like they did in 2009, 2008.........but they will never happen the same way. That is what I love about the turning of the calendar. New experiences. I may feel the same way-for different reasons. I may change my mind, I hope I do. I will change. That's how it works. Here's to a "10"! Cheers!

A lttle ditty to send you off with a smile..