Husbands

Well Husband. Thank goodness there's only one! My husband is in the bush. In a far off land with no electricity, no cell service, not even a zip code. Have you ever heard of "God's Country"? That's it, a place only God can find. I've been there too, so I know. He's there having "guy time". Shooting waterfowl.
I was furious when he was planning his trip. It's not the first, won't be the last, no matter how I protest. I find it selfish to plan a vacation for one's self when we are in one of the busiest seasons of life, leaving all responsibilities on the other's shoulders to chase ducks. Selfish. That's right I'm annoyed with my husband. I LOVE MY HUSBAND. Right now though I am finding it tough to understand this husband/wife dynamic. There is this pressure, unwritten law that we have to be all things for our husbands: lover, nurturer, maid, chef, encourager. They work to provide for our family, which is a pressure they carry, so we are supposed to understand that they "need" their guy time to release. We need to show respect, reverence them, allow them to lead.
I know what the Bible says: Wives submit to your husbands, Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the Church...that I get.
But here in the realness of everyday life(and not just in our home, it's widespread) Husbands love their wives but not always Christlike(No, wives aren't blamesless but this isn't about us, haha). They seem clueless as to who we are and what we need. Women want love in action, not just words, touches and gifts(which aren't bad, very nice actually). I don't need and emotional repair man, just an ear sometimes. I need to be seen in my gray and even sometimes bright red world even though his lenses are black and white. Not only seen but seen and not automatically stared at blankly as a rambling phsycotic.
While he's gone, I realize how much I really do need him. He is safety to me and balance. I do miss him. However realizing how much I need him just makes me more angry that he left, willingly. He calls, he misses us terribly, I believe him, truly. When he tells me about the adventure of the day- I completely zone out, I don't care. I'm mad. He'll come home and genuinely love on us tell us how much he missed us. And I'll be mad. He gets a pass. I'm mad.

Where have I been?

It has been so long!!! I haven't given up on my blog, I've just given up the thought that I have enough time to have a blog that will ever get a following! How can followers be faithful if I'm not?
Anyhow, quick update and experiences I've had while I was away. My two oldest boys are in sports........every season: baseball, football and wrestling. My husband was not allowed to play sports as a kid so he is more liberal than I am when it comes to extra curriculars. I have been continually expressing my concerns( a nice way to say complaining and whining) to him about how our life is being run by someone else's schedule, our family togetherness time is endangered and our one on one time with each child extinct. I suggested that next year they have to choose only 2 sports so that we can continue to enforce our theme of academics before sports and God and family before either of those. The husband was not excited about weeding out the boys' activities. He felt we would be punishing the boys by not allowing them to do something they enjoy, which I kind of see his perspective........but not really. Recently, on the Today Show, there was a child Psychologist talking about family time, schedules etc. She suggested allowing children to do only 1 or 2 extra curriculars and doing them WELL! So, of course, now I have an expert backing me up, time to talk to the hubby again. We talked with each other and then with the boys. The decision came quite easily for them(not even a hint of disappointment) and dad is taking it well. We want to teach our kids to do everything they do, 100%. Not to spread themselves too thin and focus on what is really important. When they look back at their childhood, they won't remember the record of their baseball season '09, but they will remember the time we spent with them and the lessons we taught.
We've also started a new dinner ritual. Everyday, naming at least one thing we are thankful for. Kids are selfish by nature. "Can we go here or there?" "I want......." can be exhausting and for me infuriating! I don't believe that my children are more greedy or selfish than other children, they are just children. Too much is not enough. In our quest for simplicity I have made it my psychotic goal for my children to be different. Focus on the things we do have and caring for them for what they are: gifts God has provided and allowed us to have.
And then there is church. I am fed up with Christianity. Not Christ. Not the church as a whole, but just "churchiness". We have landed in a pretty great local church(finally) and I am so thankful, it has been a refreshing blessing. However, outisde of that church, my eyes have been opened to what the body looks like from the outside observer...and it goes a little something like this: A right-wing Republican who wears an "Abortion Stops a Beating Heart" bumper sticker on his car, supports the war at any cost(because after all Iraq is ancient Babylon), opposes every thing Democrat(God forbid a Democratic President encourage our children to stay in school and be responsible for their own future and success), can quote 10 verses from memory on the spot but cannot tell you their next door neighbor's hobbies, workplace or last name(I'm guilty of that) and passing judgement on everything from homosexuality to partaking in a social drink......Blah!!!!!
Want people to see The Light? Try being a light, clothed in grace, mercy and kindness.......quite literally..for Christ's sake! Listen and express genuine concern and compassion as a human being designed for relationships with others, share struggles and be real, not self righteous. Love truth but be known for love and integrity instead of knowledge and scorning. My husband and I have been having this conversation with ourselves and each other and for US, this is what God has shown us he wants in his representation here on earth.
So these are a few of the things we have been "chewing on" while I've been away...........more to come.