Contradictions

Today, I was loading the dishwasher as all my guys finished eating. The sink was completely emptied and Tanner walked over and attempted to hand me his plate. He stood there for about 15 seconds waiting for me to finish placing the previous dish in the washer, plate-in-hand extended. I just looked at him and said "Are you kidding me?" Instead of placing the plate himself, he was waiting for me to do it! Is that what I am teaching my boys? That even if you are able-bodied and standing right in front of the dishwasher you hand the plate to me to put it in for you? I hate that.
This evening, all my guys were at wrestling practice. As Jerry wrapped up his coaching responsibilities, Owen called to ask "Mom, what did you make for dinner?" As I told him, for a half a second, I almost responded to him as I did to Tanner. In the second half of that second, I realized I love it. I love that I am able to be available and flexible with meals, even during our crazy wrestling schedule. They KNOW that I will have something prepared for them and not have to make their own meals even though they are able, that home is a place for nourishment- of all kinds. I love that.
Contradiction.
I try to live my life with consistency. Treating people the way I want to be treated, owning my strong opinions with out being oppressive, making peace unless utterly impossible and teaching my boys these same things. You may find these admirable or ridiculous, and really, either is fine.
There is so much emphasis on consistency. Consistence in discipline, exercise, time in the Word, meal times, church attendance, bedtimes, date nights....AHHHHHH!!!!! TOO MUCH CONSISTENCY!!!
I am a forgiven, commanded to be holy. I mess that up everyday, consistently. Contradiction. That is what life is, why not embrace it a little more? Why not change our minds? Let the kids stay up ten minutes later just to cuddle? Being spontaneous with our spouses rather than "pencil in" a date night? Eat dinner at 8pm and just be thankful your sitting together? Skip the gym, sit and catch up with a friend? Not feeling guilty for missing a Sunday service to have real fellowship with your family? Not reading God's Word out of obligation but just stopping to talk our Father?
Contradiction doesn't have to have a negative context. Find your areas of "too much consistency" and contradict them. Go on, be brave. It's freeing.

Redeeming Time

Christmas Morn they awoke at five

I grabbed my camera and watched the paper fly

Excitement flourished as they opened each gift

But not long after their spirits needed a lift.

Whining and pouting, impatience on high

Too tired to be grateful, frustrated my mind.

They began to reexamine their bountiful stash

Tears subsided and they were playing with dash

Arrows flying, pellets shot, guitars being rocked

Time for a nap, seven hours had been clocked.

Sleepy eyes arose with mid-afternoon smiles and joy

Thank you Mommy-n-Daddy as they rediscovered each "toy".

Festivities continued with our tradition of a movie

We laughed at the antics of Boo-Boo and Yogi.

The next day we jumped from bed to a melody sung off key

"Don't touch that it's mine, Give it back to me!"

Playing referee was wearing us thin

Drank a lot of coffee but really wanted gin.

The mess and decorations were taken hastily to the attic

I'd been pushed to my limit, "That's it, I've had it!

Then as God does, He gave me a new day

One filled with kisses, hugs and play.

They sled with Uncle Lewie, bringing stories of adventure

I enjoyed caffeine and a friend, relieving more pressure.

The Noel buzz had finally worn off, my kids were returning

Talking and sharing, moments for which I was yearning.

The memories of days past erased from my mind

I was cashing in, redeeming this time.

We truly had a REAL and memorable Christmas. We celebrate the birth of our Saviour. That is real. My kids behaved like kids. That is real.

In my obsession to create perfect memories for my children, I set myself up for feelings of hurt. I have this ideal vision of how moments will occur before they do. When I release the expectations and cry out for mercy, the moments happen on their own, my blessings are revealed....I am redeemed. That is real, perfection.

Merry Christmas

This post will be short and sweet. Yesterday, I posted how I love to give to my children..I hope it didn't portray me as a materialistic, commercial Christmas, participant.
The Christmas we celebrate centers around a King. A King born to a virgin. A King born, to die. For us. For me. For you.
Sometimes people complicate this easy truth. Jesus is God. Jesus lived a sinless life, something impossible for us to do. He died for our sins, so we didn't have to. So we could regain the relationship intended for us to have with our King. If you believe and confess this truth to the One True God, your relationship with the King can be restored as well. If you have questions about that you can ask and I will try to answer. If your reading this post, I wanted you to. The King just wants you. He yearns to give you this gift, it's why he was born.
The Gospel is easy, nothing more to add to it, short. The blessing of unity with Christ, eternal life with The King, beyond sweet.

Anticipation

I experienced and continue to be blessed by the experience of Christmas, all year long. I understand why I celebrate Christmas and the miracle that this Miracle has given to me as a free gift, no returns. I am thankful for the birth and death of Jesus, for without it, I'd be wandering aimlessly in this world where any other answer to the questions, "who am I, what is my purpose?" would return void.
The remainder of this post will be very cliche, Christmas is coming banter, yet hopefully reflect the joy I find in giving to my boys.
I started in October encouraging my three boys to begin writing their Christmas wish lists. Of course, like most of the time, when I encourage them to itemize, organize or plan, they ignored my requests. So when Black Friday rolled around, I headed out at 12:00am with only the gift I wanted for Jerry on my list. As my sister and mom stood in line for the items they desired, I wandered through the store looking for ideas. I found a 2011 Guinness Book of World Records, perfect for my son Tanner, who like his father enjoys owning a wealth of useless facts. For Owen, my obsessive reader, a clip-on book light. For Sam, a pogo stick that he can enjoy at home and not envy the one he has enjoyed at our friends house for endless jumps. I continued to shop until 8am then headed home for a nap. Jerry and I headed back out to the stores that evening. As we brainstormed, we stumbled upon the perfect "big" gift for each boy. We came home and wrapped and wrapped and wrapped. We were so pleased with what we had found for the boys. After a couple on-line orders, our shopping was finished.
As the holiday was drawing closer, I had two thoughts: 1-our boys are so spoiled they have nothing to ask for or 2- they are so content with their lives they can't name anything they want. I will selfishly tell myself that it is the latter in order to boost my parenting philosophy ego.
They have finally begun to randomly make requests. So far we have already gotten all of them! (not that I'm getting anything else anyway) I am finding intense joy in knowing my children so well that I was able to fulfill wishes they didn't even know they had until now. I am finding myself anticipating our fun-filled morning as much as they do. Seeing the expressions on their faces, the wiggles in their posture, the joy in their hearts.......I anticipate.
I wasn't planning on making a spiritual reference but as I wrote the previous paragraph it just occurred to me how my perfect Father rejoices when He gives us the gift of dreams fulfilled. If my anticipation is this great, I can't even begin to imagine His. Waiting, to give us the gifts we desire and don't even know we desire, in His infinite wisdom and timing. I am gushing, knowing we are going to bring excitement to our children. I honestly believe Jesus is feeling the same way, only magnified. He knows my deepest desires, requests. He knows when and which ones He will fulfill. He anticipates too.
I saw this quote on a friends facebook page "You can give without loving but you can't love without giving." I. Love. This. I can give to anyone and not love them but my family possess such a large portion of my love I am instinctively inclined to give to them. My desire to give to them is not a way for me to receive love, it's an uncontrollable urge that flows from my love. It's not a choice, it's an effect. I anticipate the effect of the effect.

Friend-a definition

friend noun: one attached to another by affection or esteem.


I recently celebrated my 35th birthday. In my life so far, I've been a sinner, a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother, redeemed, forgiven, stretched(physically and mentally!), blessed. I have failed, succeeded, won, lost, grieved, rejoiced, fallen on my knees and walked tall. During these periods of growth, gaining wisdom and learning lessons, the trickiest riddle of all has been what and who is a genuine friend. There have been some amazing and inspirational ladies who have passed through my world. God hasn't wasted a single experience or interaction. These women, for better and what sometimes seemed or worse, led me down a path. I've landed in a pool of unconditional love and acceptance, at least as close to it as humanly possible. Only a hand full of these women I call, friend.
I have a hard time putting into words what friend means to me, hence the definition. It is a term that is used too loosely. However, I love the idea of being attached by affection. As I tried to verbalize my own definition, there weren't words. Instead, emotions and heart yearnings I have toward the women I call my friends...affections. I have only a handful of faithfuls. Each of them spark different thoughts and emotions, or as I most recently read, colors.
My "You always get me, get past the tough exterior, curl-up on the couch in our sweats, devoted, kindred spirit" friend has opened my heart to experiencing deeper, truer, friendships. The culture that we live in is very cynical toward female friendships. She has reminded me that real, loving, sincere connection is possible, even for women!
My "Bosom buddy, it's creepy how we think about the same things at the same time, spiritual rock, lives clear across the country but it doesn't matter" friend has been an inspiration. A picture of grace through a storm, godly-advice giving, trustworthy confidant who warms my heart and is a revolution in leading souls toward Light.
My "You make me feel normal in the midst of the insanity we call motherhood, coffee drinking, constant encouragement" friends have been my saving grace during an uncomfortable time of transition and wandering.
My "only live a couple of hours from each other, do not talk as often as we should, can always pick up where we left off, permanent imprint on my heart" friend was THE FIRST genuine friendship I ever experienced. We met after the unfortunate girl experience the world calls high school. She enveloped me with sincere care and made me part of her family. We have partied together, shared wedding ceremonies, had babies..grown up..together.
My "where have you been all my life I've been looking for you, how did 13 years pass since we spoke, our similarities make me cry, lone female existence in our homes" friend has just recently re-entered my life..via facebook. See, facebook can be helpful. We were roommates while attending cosmetology school and it was always evident that she shared a relationship with Christ..one I wanted nothing to do with. But when I did discover His amazing grace and forgiveness, she was the first person I wanted to tell. We have shared extensive and intense "conversations" and the reconnection fused by God's love have invoked feelings of love and desire for friendship in someone I haven't seen or spoken to, again-for 13 years! She is simply amazing.
These relationships are like those I have with my children. I could never choose one I love the most, but they each inspire a unique kind of love from me. They are strong, gentle, kind, honest, beauty infused blessings. They have stolen my affections, leaving us, attached.