(Mommy has a sinus infection so every spill, noise and complaint is amplified)Tonight after wrestling practice, I gave my middle child Owen a bath and then his supper, Italian sausage. After a few bites, he was at the refrigerator getting "more cheese". I told him he didn't need any more and he retreated to the fridge with the package of shredded cheese..........opened... and upside down. My back was to him and he came to me very meekly and said "Mommy, look." There was cheese everywhere and I snapped! I yelled at him and told him I had been cleaning all day and to go get the broom so I could clean up "more messes I didn't make!" He didn't cry, he just went to his room and as soon as my hand touched the broom handle my irrational reaction hit me like a ton of bricks. I called him back out and told him "I'm sorry Owen, Mommy shouldn't have yelled like that, it's just cheese. Will you forgive me?" A glossy eyed nod and a kiss and he went back to his room, still tear free. I didn't feel like I had truly expressed my remorse so I immediately called him back out, sat on the kitchen floor with him and said "Owen, Mommy's mess up some times too, and I really am sorry. It was an accident and I know you didn't mean to spill the cheese. (His eyes began to swell) Did Mommy make you feel sad?" A nod and the tears began to roll. I felt terrible. I just held him and reinforced my apology with big hugs and kisses and honest conversation. He said "I forgive you Mommy, I love you too." Later, as I gave the recount of the events to Jerry, I said "I'm so glad I called him back out the second time to say I messed up because he would have taken all that with him into his room and it would have stayed there, bottled up.........like I had to do so many times as a kid."
I just hate so much that I made his heart hurt like that. I'm supposed to be his protector, not offender. But what a beautiful blessing he gave to me........forgiveness. What a reminder...asking a son for forgiveness and receiving it freely. Priceless.
Your Hard is Hard (The Pandemic Version)
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