My baby's growing up

My firstborn is 9 today. Sad, exciting, unbelievable. He is so proud of himself and so am I but where did my baby go? I remember every detail of his birth, his first smile, first word, first step, his huge imagination budding as a toddler............everything. I remember his excitement when each of his brothers came home from the hospital and how he clung to my side most of the day.

When you have 3 boys ages 3 and younger, people tell you "they grow up fast". So many days I wished that were true and thought I would never survive those baby/toddler years. Now I find myself wanting to press rewind or even pause to slow all this growing down. Don't get me wrong there is some freedom that comes with your kids maturing and I enjoy that but everyday I see him learning, discovering and growing into the man he will one day be. He still needs me but I long for the days of rocking him to sleep and carrying him on my hip.

Enough of the "Mommy sadness" though. He is a great kid and I don't want to focus on how I feel but celebrate who he is.

He is a creative, bright boy who makes me laugh when I need it most. He does well in school, but hates it. He loves hunting with his Daddy....(he still calls us Mommy and Daddy, not just mom and dad, I love that!). He is an outstanding big brother when he wants to be and he is so sensitive and caring of babies. He has a bond with his Pappy that will remain long after he is gone. He runs to hug his grandparents, aunts and uncles when they visit or spectate one of his many extra-curriculars. He still has an incredible, inspiring imagination. He is one of the loves of my life and I am so thankful every morning when he refuses to leave before he gives me a kiss.

Tanner, I love you buddy. I am so proud of you. Happy Birthday honey.

Simplify-This wouldn't have been funny a year ago

10 months ago we moved into a smaller, fixer-upper home from a house that was only 9 years old and completely finished in our quest to spend less and give and save more. Simply, simplify.

I have spent my morning cleaning my house in preparation for visitors. I know these friends could care less what my house looks like but I just start cleaning things that sometimes get neglected on a daily basis. I used to be anal(for lack of a better word) about my house being perfectly kept but over that past year I have resigned to the fact there is no such thing. And I'm finally ok with that. But as I was cleaning today, I had to laugh at some of the messes I found that would have sent me over the edge a year ago and some questions I have:
-How is it that toothpaste spit is all over my pretty candle that sits next to my sink?

-At what age to boys acquire better "aim"?

-Why is there a pack of fruit snacks under my sons pillow?

-Who poured the juice down the front of my kitchen cupboards?

-How did last nite's dinner end up UNDER the table?

-Why is my keyboard sticky?

-I didn't know I had frosted windows?...oh wait, those are fingerprints.

-Wouldn't my kitchen look even cleaner without all of those A+'s and artwork on the fridge?(Definitely but not negotiable!!)

-How much dust can collect on a shelf that is above eye level?

-Why is my dishwasher still not hooked up to plumbing?(Now this is a serious matter)

Please don't judge my housekeeping abilities. I actually still do try to maintain a presentable home, but when we're busy, we're busy and these are just a few of the things that made me laugh today. Besides what else can you do? You have to laugh or it will consume you!!

Didn't you hear me?!!!

My 9 year old son plays pee wee football. We were celebrating my Mom's birthday at our house so we let him skip practice so he could be here. Since he was missing practice he wanted to go for a run so he would "stay in shape". How cute. We live in a rural area and so I let him run a 1/2 mile up the road in front of our house and back. I watched him run out of my sight and waited. It was taking too long for my liking so I yelled for him to hurry back....no reply. Panic!!
I got that sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach and grabbed the other two boys and jumped in the car to find him and there he was.....100 yards from my front door, innocently looking into the creek below a small bridge. Still in a panic I grabbed his arm and said "Where have you been? Didn't you hear me yelling for you? Why didn't you answer me?" After I recomposed, I explained to him that I was worried and didn't mean to yell at him.
Later when I was alone it hit me like a ton of bricks and I just sobbed. Not only because that is one of my biggest fears but because out of no where I began to have this overwhelming sense that, that is probably how my Father feels. I am walking along a dry, fruitless path and we have literally been surrounded by terminal illness and suffering and my Father is shouting"Where have you been? Don't you hear me yelling for you? Why aren't you answering me??"
Wow. It's that simple.

Inspire Me!

"We're meant to be like multi-colored Christmas lights attached to one electrical cord called the Holy Spirit and strung strategically all over the earth..............Admit it. Aren't you just a tad bored by your neatly compartmentalized, comfort-fit Christianity?"~Beth Moore

I took my boys to pajama story time tonight and I picked up the book Voices of the Faithful, (Inspiring Stories of Courage from Christians serving around the World) by Beth Moore.
I've always liked Beth Moore for her frank, common sense approach to the Word. I saw this book as soon as we entered the library and by the time I reached page 6 of the introduction I saw this quote. I am already inspired. Our local church is going through a "transition", to say the least. I am cautiously optimistic as we are in the interviewing process of a new lead pastor.
He seems to not want to lock himself into our church's "business as usual" "keep everything the same" philosophy and I couldn't be more pleased!!
I love our church. We have been blessed with sound doctrine and taught the Word forward and backwards. But for the past couple of years I would sit in the worship center, same spot every Sunday, and think to myself " how many more times can we be taught this before we go out and do something with it?" "Can you kill a horse after it's been beat to death?" I know this may sound cynical and it's not meant to be but I was becoming restless. I had all this knowledge stored in my brain and my heart was exploding, wanting to be encouraged to pour it out, not just on my own but corporately. Strength in numbers right? And then the past year? Nothing. We act as if the world has stopped because there are some difficulties within our little world. This may seem like rambling but in my head it makes total sense. I hope the rest of this book is as good as the introduction.......I need to be inspired......by someone who has actually faced real persecution and brought glory to our Father. Some perspective.

Why I'm a GOOD Mom

Heather of the Extraordinary Ordinary has one of those blogs that every mother can relate to: honest, heartfelt, and just so funny. She came up with the beautiful idea for us mothers to take a break from our mommy guilt and write a post listing all of the things that we are doing well as a mother. (totally plagiarized this first paragraph from Jess,One Wild and Precious Life, but I loved the idea as well)

1. I encourage my boys to be their best selves in everything that they attempt.

2. They are affectionate toward us because we are affectionate with them.

3. Just today, Tanner asked Owen if he wanted to pack or buy his lunch for school. Pack, of course. He took inventory of the cupboards for Owen's faves and packed his lunch for him.
I hope it was because I enjoy serving others.

4. I allow them to express themselves even when they want to wear running pants to church instead of khaki's.

5. I have given them confidence. They lead among their friends and would just as soon play alone if no one will follow. They are comfortable in their own skin.

6. I have given them compassion, imagination and creativity. They love to make cards for friends in need of sympathy or just because. Tanner will fill a notebook with "illustrations" and I become the "author". He is even beginning to write on his own. Their artwork is praised and displayed on the gallery that is my refrigerator.

7. I am not a social butterfly but I try to stick close to the friends I have and so do they.

8. I exhibit that healthy relationships are filled with the messiness of emotion. Not just one's total agreeance with the other.


9. They understand who God is and what he has done in mine, Jerry's and most recently Tanner's life. His grace and Mercy have been applied to them through us.

10. Love of Creation: they have a gentleness with babies, animals and our environment.

11. I am honest even when it's hard. When they get a "check mark" at school, they tell me before I have to ask or find a note from the teacher.

12. I apologize to them when I overreact or show lack of patience.

13. I give them a safe haven. When they land here, whatever happened today can be set at the table along with dinner or in the safety of my ear as they lay their head on my shoulder.

14. I've given them the joy of reading- we make at least one trip to the library every week.

15. I give discipline in sandwich form: GRACE[discipline]LOVE...(with kisses on top)

16. Birthdays & Holidays

17. I enjoy my "me time" it is a necessity for my sanity. They take time to just be still away from busyness.

18. Unconditional love, for real, not just in word but action. Something I lacked growing up.

19. I know their love languages.

20. They are forgiving(Um...that might be more from my husband, oops). No matter how I may have responded, rushed or ranted through the day, every nite w/o fail they still want me to tuck them in...kisses and all....transgressions erased.

I guess when I look at it from this window the glass is much cleaner..thanks Heather and Jess for inspiring me. I have tears in my eyes filled with gratitude that I am blessed enough to be called "Mommy"

Let's Play

Tonight was a night my husband had to work and we miss him so much when he works the weekends. But it was a beautiful evening, not to be wasted.
When he walked out the door, I felt a sense of boredom and knew my kids would be feeling it soon. So I said "let's play!" We went a new playground in our area and had the best time. I never grow tired of hearing "Mommy, watch this!"
I swung, was "put in jail", got dizzy, made them dizzy and just enjoyed their world.
Laughter is a great place to live.

"Baby" Blessings

Today put blessings into perspective. I went to a funeral for my cousin Shane, who passed way too soon, 31, in a horrible way: unexpected, brutal, accidentally at someone else's hand. I haven't seen him in years because he and his family moved to Texas when I was a kid. So not to sound disconnected but I was there for my Aunt who has a tender residence in my memory. He was buried here though, next to his dad, my father's brother who also died too soon, cancer, two years ago. When I saw my Aunt during calling hours, she was keeping it together and I thought she must have reached that point when no more tears will come. But today, as the reality of her "baby" being laid to rest hit her in the face, as bright as the sun shone, she could barely stand and cried uncontrollably..Her pain tore my heart to pieces. I have 3 boys and the excruciating thought of losing one of them before I am called to be with my Father, is unimaginable. I could only feel a percentage of the loss, hurt, disgust and tragedy falling from her eyes.

As I prayed for her, I felt this overwhelming sense, you know, it starts in your stomach and works toward your throat, of thankfulness for my family. At the viewing my Aunt told me how beautiful my boys were and she said "baby", hold them tight while their young and you can protect them...one day you won't be able to". She is the kind of Aunt that you love when she calls you baby. She's lived in the south her whole life and when she says "baby" with that involuntary drawl, it is the sweetest term of endearment one can hear. With her words and God stirring my heart I was thankful for today, right now, I have my boys: healthy, rambunctious, alive. My husband who never met Shane, holding on to me so tight as I began to cry because he knew where my mind had landed. He knows me even when I'm unrecognizeable to myself.

Three years ago my Aunt would never have thought her family would go from 5 to just 3. I'm sure if she did, she would have spent that time differently and that is what this loss has challenged me to do "not boast for tomorrow". Be thankful for the blessings in front of me....today. My "Babe" and my "babies".