Proverbs 30:31 Favour is deceitful, beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.
I'm struggling with this. I received a message from a friend today wanting to learn more about blogging. She is beginning a weight-loss journey with her goal being to run a 5K in August. I'm so excited for her! I will be sure to post a link when she's up and running..no pun intended.
Jerry and I have decided recently ourselves to begin getting back into shape. He is so much better at it than I am. His willpower is amazing, mine not so much.
I would like to say that my goal is to be healthy and feel better, have more energy. It's not. My goal is to look good in my clothes. Vain, I know. Vanity is a tricky thing for me. I desire to be beautiful from the inside and I hope that I would be considered that way. However, every time I look into the mirror with my 35 year old eyes, I find myself mourning the youthful face I remember. I see wrinkles, the beginning of crows feet, enlarged pores. I recently discovered why I am dealing with acne issues in my 30's when I've never dealt with it before..my diminishing estrogen. More proof I am aging. I don't find myself concerned with the numbers in my age, just the side effects. I meditate on verses on beauty and where true beauty lies..it's not helping! Fortunately, I can't afford the Botox and other facial procedures that would give me a quick fix and send me down a slippery slope in pursuit of perfection.
I'd like to blame my child bearing days but I can't. True, I didn't look this way before them but I didn't look like this after them either. I was motivated after their births to shed the pounds, get back into my jeans. The dilemma I am dealing with now is a result of immobility. Always moving with the busyness of life but never exercising. Eating on the go rather than planning and preparing meals as in the past is destroying my waistline.
I could blame society and media but I don't believe that a slender woman on a magazine cover is the reason I desire to be thin. I think as long as women have existed they have desired to be different than how God made them. Feeling inadequate in more ways than just the physical is a struggle I think all women share. Not understanding how truly valuable we are to our Creator, distorts our view of ourselves. So as I again start this journey, I am making more of an effort not to just commit that truth to memory, but in my soul.
I have started walking/running and calorie counting. I feel driven to succeed at this. I always do in the beginning, keeping that drive is the challenge. I'm looking forward to my friend's blog and the realness she will share in the tremendous amount of work it takes to be fit. She is already encouraging me by her willingness to share.
I won't reject any compliments I receive as I slim down, but truly I want to find more praise for who I am rather than what I look like.
Editing side note: After I posted this I got into my car and heard this-"51% of women said they would give up intimacy to be skinny..." I guess the other 49% were lying! lol

A Role Model

What a weekend!

Having a former wrestler husband and three little wrestlers of our own...we are a wrestling family. Coaching, practices, matches, sectionals, districts-it can be a lot. This weekend though, our season over, we headed to Columbus to The Ohio State University to watch what else, a wrestling match. A few other wrestling families went along and I think I speak for all the moms in attendance, this was the best wrestling experience we have shared with our young boys and husbands. The awe on the boys' faces as we walked into the arena, free posters in hand, brought a flutter to my own stomach.

Colt Sponseller, a local boy, is a nationally ranked senior at OSU. Because he is from our rural area, he is a local hero to our young wrestlers. Jerry has followed his high school and college career so my own boys are very familiar with him.

We were told after the match the boys could go down on the floor and the wrestlers would sign their t-shirts and souvenirs. The first "celebrity" we stumbled upon...Coach Tom Ryan. The boys again were overjoyed! Knowing he probably gets this attention regularly from wrestling fans, we were amazed at his genuine affection towards our very eager souls. He signed, he posed and even thanked us for coming. All with intense sincerity. So cool. The boys wandered from wrestler to wrestler, soliciting autographs from all the Buckeye wrestlers, who were equally as gracious.

Then the climax. Colt emerged from the locker room and before he could even hug his family, our boys were drawn to him like bees to honey. Literally. He appeared and instantly twenty little guys swarmed. He was so attentive and kind they ushered us to the hallway as they needed to clear the arena. He spoke to and autographed each child's memorabilia. You could almost hear them buzzing in anticipation for their turn to get close to him. He posed with them in more than enough photos, even encouraging "mean, wrestlers don't smile" and "funny face" shots.

We had heard of his character, his family's. Still, we couldn't believe this wrestler, from a Big Ten school, with an exceptional record, remained so humble. His entire family was so sweet. I had felt bad we were taking their time with him, but they insisted we let the boys enjoy this experience. And they absolutely did.

Amidst all of the sad and disappointing stories we hear of collegiate and professional athletes, it was so refreshing to meet a responsible, excelling, student athlete. One with a love of the sport so great, he shines, giving back to the ones who desire to be just like him.

Redeeming Time

Christmas Morn they awoke at five

I grabbed my camera and watched the paper fly

Excitement flourished as they opened each gift

But not long after their spirits needed a lift.

Whining and pouting, impatience on high

Too tired to be grateful, frustrated my mind.

They began to reexamine their bountiful stash

Tears subsided and they were playing with dash

Arrows flying, pellets shot, guitars being rocked

Time for a nap, seven hours had been clocked.

Sleepy eyes arose with mid-afternoon smiles and joy

Thank you Mommy-n-Daddy as they rediscovered each "toy".

Festivities continued with our tradition of a movie

We laughed at the antics of Boo-Boo and Yogi.

The next day we jumped from bed to a melody sung off key

"Don't touch that it's mine, Give it back to me!"

Playing referee was wearing us thin

Drank a lot of coffee but really wanted gin.

The mess and decorations were taken hastily to the attic

I'd been pushed to my limit, "That's it, I've had it!

Then as God does, He gave me a new day

One filled with kisses, hugs and play.

They sled with Uncle Lewie, bringing stories of adventure

I enjoyed caffeine and a friend, relieving more pressure.

The Noel buzz had finally worn off, my kids were returning

Talking and sharing, moments for which I was yearning.

The memories of days past erased from my mind

I was cashing in, redeeming this time.

We truly had a REAL and memorable Christmas. We celebrate the birth of our Saviour. That is real. My kids behaved like kids. That is real.

In my obsession to create perfect memories for my children, I set myself up for feelings of hurt. I have this ideal vision of how moments will occur before they do. When I release the expectations and cry out for mercy, the moments happen on their own, my blessings are revealed....I am redeemed. That is real, perfection.

It's 8am and already I feel accomplished. When Jerry came home from work at 4:30am, I woke up. This is a rare occurrence. I can sleep through almost anything. Ever since all three of the boys began sleeping through the night many years ago, I have enjoyed sleeping well, all night long. I am a night owl so sometimes mornings are rough, but when I sleep, I sleep.
Anyhow back to today. I tried to protest the early rising by closing my eyes and pretending I wasn't awake. It didn't work. So I started my morning. Made coffee, updated my facebook status still protesting my early awakening, then decided to work out. It was an ugly sight. Lots of grunting and sighing....and sweat. When I finished I felt great! Woke the boys for school, made beds, got the boys on the bus and enjoyed a little more coffee.
Kim is coming for some refreshing highlights and coffee. I always enjoy her.
No matter what the rest of the day may bring, I feel accomplished. Coffee, happy kids in route to school, a good work out and a friend. It's still early but already I've had a great day.

What I love

I'm sitting here tonight all by myself and I love it. Daddy and the boys are at the lake fishing and camping. I am enjoying having the house to myself. I'm taking in all the things I love and being thankful for them.

• I love this rare time of alone-ness
• I love my new silverware(we started our life together with a matching set but over the years strays have land here and originals have disappeared?)
• I love the new song "Love the way you lie" by Eminem and Rhianna(this song is so dark and disturbing but I'm fascinated by it. Believe me there is nothing spiritually uplifting about it)
• I love the new workout Jerry and I are doing together, Melt it Off with Mitch Gaylord
• I love mowing the grass on a hot summer day, like today
• I love that "The Hills" has ended so I won't find myself watching a so-called reality show with such committment.
• I love that my neighbor brought me green beens from his garden and I will can them tomorrow for my family to enjoy all winter long.
• I love that the boys and I shared a picnic, baby pool and four wheeler rides yesterday and it was one of the simplest and best days of our summer.
• I love the work that will begin tomorrow on our home addition.
• I love that I'm finally catching up on my scrapbooking, digitally.
• I love that I can enjoy this time alone yet I am blessed with family and never feel lonely.

10 Reason to love being a SAHM

Today in the midst of trying to tackle my to-do list, I get a call from the school. Mind you, I had just taken the oldest to school at 10 am because he had a "belly ache". I know, I shouldn't fall for it, but what is worse keeping him home for a couple of hours or not believing him and him throwing up on the school bus? I hate making that call, I'm never sure ...send them or not send them. Anyway, the call. Miss Sherry calls and informs me that said child ripped out his pants in gym class and needed a change of pants. So 2 trips to the school in 2 hours. Yea. But on the way home the second time, I had an epiphany, I was so thankful that I am a "Stay at Home Mom". Amid the monotony and laundry, one who is available to bring my son the pants that will shield him from further embarrassment. Sharing a giggle with him at the sight of his pants. I thought of some of the other reasons during my drive and I had to make a post out of it.
10(there are more)Reason I love being a SAHM

• When my child is sick I am the one caring for them.
• Ripped pants? no problem, Mom to the rescue.
• When I explain to my youngest what happened to Tanner's pants, he asks "Who's Jim"(Gym) and I was there to hear it.
• the negotiating and mult-tasking skills I have acquired will aid me when I monopolize the purse industry.
• I can rearrange my kitchen cupboards as many times as I want, all in the name of "keeping" my home.
• I can make my family healthy meals from my kitchen.(I'm not sure if I worked outside the home, that would be a priority to me, convenience would trump)
• I have Tuesday Morning coffee with friends every two weeks.
• My boys anticipate seeing my face when they walk through the door after school. If my husband happens to be standing in my place, they ask "Where's Mom?"
• My husband appreciates what I do.
• I may not have time for a pedicure but I have played "This little piggy" more times than I can count.
• I may not get as many books read as I would like, but the library is one of my kids' favorite places to go, and I make time to read to them.

Ok, I know that's 11 but I couldn't help it, I'm not great with limits.

If your a working momma, please know that I am not under minding your mothering skills. Sometimes it's just the "little things" that remind me why I chose to stay at home full time and today was one of those days. Now, go kiss your kiddos and make YOUR list!

Betty had a little lamb

This has been an almost very sad and very sad week so far in this house. First of all it's spring break in Ohio, interpreted to out of staters, an invitation for snow and rain. Trailing behind this wave of weather oxymoron, a family member of the feline species met the rubber of our neighbors vehicle. She survived, thankfully. Imagine how quickly the words I said just 2 weeks ago "I don't care if she runs outside again, maybe she'll get hit by a car!" came back to me. I saw the fear in my children's faces as we searched for her because she was hiding after her little scare and thought "now i really am a bad mom!". I, only half, jokingly wished my cat would be hit by a car w/o any regard of how much sadness that would bring to my children. Somehow over the past 3 years we have accumulated 2 beagles and a labrador retriever(kept outside), a sheep(also outside, ha!) a cat and most recently a puppy who is STILL not house broken! I would never mistreat an animal but I am not an animal lover. Yet somehow our family had six pets. Now I will admit, the ONE I did want was the sheep. I've always wanted one. I love the precious curls of their wool between my fingers. My dad started raising them about 2 years ago. When a mother has more than 1 lamb she may not feed them, as the case of "Sneakers". Named for his white hooves. To me, that meant "Sneakers" had to come home with us. The boys and I loved him! We fed him from a bottle and walked him on a leash. He was such a sweetie. Yesterday for no apparent reason he stopped eating. By this evening he wouldn't stand. Hours later, he died....

My 2 oldest boys are spending the night at Grandma's, so they are unaware. My youngest knows but he doesn't understand the finality of death yet. His innocence is bliss. A simple hug and final pat on the head would suffice for him. Tomorrow, however, we will have to bring the boys home from a fun overnight-er and hit them in the face with the sorrow of laying their dear pet to rest. A lamb. Do any of you find this overwhelmingly ironic that our lamb has died the week of Easter? As I sat beside this lamb watching him what seemed like a slow death, I felt such sadness and pain. It hit me that this animal, although dear to us, is a mere beast. Can you imagine how the Father must have felt watching his spotless Lamb die for our sins? When we brought "Sneakers" home, I was enthusiastic at the opportunity he gave me to teach my sons more about the Lamb, I just didn't think it would end this way, at this time. I am dreading the breaking of my sons hearts. I will cherish the honor of catching their tears. I won't have the perfect words. I will be thankful for the Lamb who died for me and loves me anyway.

The Momma Clause(Claws)

Momma bears have an instinctive desire to protect their cubs. This momma bear is feeling very instinctive. Kids can be so cruel. My oldest son Tanner is what the world would say is on the "chubby side". Although we encourage play and healthy eating, genetics and asthma meds contribute to his extra weight.

He's a little slower when he runs and a target of fore mentioned cruelty. We make it part of our purpose to assure him that he is "fearfully and wonderfully made" and that God made him with a heart like no one else's. He is unique and accepted, by us and a perfect, loving Creator.

He's playing baseball again this year and with every season comes new teammates. One in particular has caused this momma's claws to be exposed. I never want to be a mom who fights her cubs battles but there is clause in this rule that makes an exception. Every day at school he has to stand on his own and learn how to let things roll of his back and remember to embrace who he is. But when I am with him I have a right and a responsibility to protect him: The Momma Clause. As I sat watching him practice, I could see "George" teasing Tanner and once even heard him call Tanner stupid when he fielded the ball and became flustered and did not know what to do with the ball once it landed in his mitt. Then the climax..."Your a Fatty!" said "George". I thought I would supernaturally fly over the fence and pounce this fierce predator...but I didn't. I could see the pain in my son's face and the Momma Clause went into effect. However, seeing as I despise conflict, I told my husband, aka Pappa Bear. The leader of our den doesn't share my fear of confrontation. Hopefully now, the rules of the wilderness will be tamed.....before the Momma Clause is initiated fully and the Momma Claws are unleashed.

It was supposed to be FUN!

Today was a rough one. I had a "perfect" day planned with my youngest son Samuel. He had some money he earned, burning a hole in his pocket and I have been extremely busy working lately so today was going to be about him. Mommy & Me time. None of the "I can't right now honey, mommy's working", "You'll have to play by yourself sweetie, mommy's working". I think he gets it "mommy's working". I was just as tired of saying it as he was hearing it. So today we were going to the dollar store, lunch at McDonald's, and back home for all the imaginative play he could muster and maybe even the library. Well, the distribution of his funds was easy then off to lunch. Started off well, great conversation, smiles and giggles. Then a friend and her granddaughter came in and sat beside us, which interpreted, is an audience. He thought it hilarious to throw out phrases such as "Mommy, wanna eat my underwear?"...(WHAT!?), "I just farted on this cheeseburger, hee hee!" (the seats look like cheeseburgers). Trying to keep my cool, I patiently remind him to use his table manners, not to be rude and not to talk like that in front of ladies. He doesn't stop. Until they leave.

Ok, regroup. It's alright. Let's just play- which really was the highlight of the day. As long as Sam can tell people what to do, he's having a good time. But all good things must come to an end. I had to do a little cleaning up before the other 2 came home. The tears begin to flow-"Your mean!" "Call someone to come play with me", "I'm bored, there's nothing to doooo"-and it doesn't stop......all night....and daddy already had plans with the older 2 boys.....no relief. So after 3 hours of tears and complaints I tell him to get a board game that we can play. He set it up and play resumes..He seems pleased....until he doesn't get the card he wanted....feet start kicking....tears resume. I warn him and he takes his turn...still not the card he wanted...whining and attitude present. Having to stand my ground , I pack up the game and put it away. I have to walk away so I get into the shower while he moans outside the bathroom door. Enough is enough, "get ready for bed". More distress. (Daddy, please come home!! Mommy needs reinforcement!) He's still crying....himself to sleep............Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh. Oh and I almost forgot in the midst of all this drama, our new puppy kept having "accidents" in the house regardless of his recent and regularly scheduled bathroom breaks

I know kids are selfish by nature and these days happen. But why does it always seem to coincide with the rare one on one time. He's 5, not 3...right? Is he seeing this ungratefulness in my life? This isn't my first experience with this behaviour in my children but it is never any less frustrating. We didn't make it to the library...........The End.

What's on your ipod?

iam having a totally, well not totally, unproductive evening. You see, as iexperience successes in my business, ireward myself with gifts. No, not often. It's my love language-receiving gifts-and I'm not someone who shops endlessly due to lack of time and money. Anyhow, ibuy something for myself intsead of cutting myself a monetary check. Sometimes it's something simple, like a hair cut(usually way overdue!), this month it was an ipod(oh yea and some time in Georgia). At the beginning stage of a business so many of the funds are reinvested into growth so a paycheck is irregular, at least for me, so when I have been overwhelmed with orders ilike to treat myself now and then.
Like isaid....the ipod. iwent with the nano so icould afford to put songs onto this fun little device. ihave spent a ridiculous amount of time(jerry too) on itunes saying "what's that one song...?", "Oh, this is a good one!" and "Wow babe, look at this playlist, we are definitely INTO our 30's"
ilove all types of music. Worship, rap, hip hop, country, oldies(like my mom's music), oldies(like my kids call my music)......really anything, but especially songs with great harmonies. So now that ihave a whopping 93 downloads ihave been analyzing my playlists(why should this be different than anything else?). Now before iproceed, understand this is only my perspective on music choice, so in advance iapologize if your offended. istrive to be non judgemental, not indecisive, just not a scorner of other people's choices. Hopefully sometimes a light and always a friend who can reciprocate a real relationship. itend to believe someone who only likes one type of music leans on the close minded end of the spectrum. If you love pop but hate every other style of music, you are missing out on the unique contributions other styles lend to the art of music(isay as iam listening to hillsong united followed by tone-loc...seriously!) How can you be more relational than Country? Understand the stuggles of poverty and inner-city life more than in the lyrics of Rap? Less stressed than while dancing to a peppy pointless Pop Song? More taken back to your courtship than the sound of you and your husband's Power Ballad?...More connected to the Spirit than in the heart of Worship? Sure you can prefer one over the other but what would happen if you opened yourself up to something different, appreciated it for what is, and then carried that concept into friendships and even into ministry? iknow that if we were less busy judging and more busy developing a level of acceptance, we could build genuine relationships exceedingly and reach those who are starving for the ultimate acceptance. Before isign off, please know iget that we all struggle with judgement, we're human, it's a sin flaw, idon't claim to be above it, ijust think that it is the obstacle to beautiful harmonies. So I ask.....What's on your ipod?
p.s. im sorry this was so long, if all of my parenthesis annoy you and for ending my post with a question 2 days in a row!

Escape

I'm headed out. Georgia, here I come. A weekend with a dear friend, no husband or kids(as much as I love them)=fun and relaxation. AHHHH. I've been away for days at a time with Jerry but never by myself for more than a day. I'M SO EXCITED! I hate to see my kids growing so fast, I miss the "baby days" but I have also always longed for the days when they were easier to care for and I could just pick up and leave for the weekend without worry..not often...just when needed. Not to self edify, but I have been working a lot, the handbag business is doing well in this strange economy and I needed to get away.
My sweet friend Heidi moved to Georgia a couple of months ago and they came back this week to pick up some of their belongings to move into their new home. While her hubby will be driving the moving truck, he suggested that she ask someone to ride back with her and then fly them home....I am so blessed...she asked me. I can't wait to see their new hometown, house and church. I don't care what we do I'm just so excited to be with her and share her new experiences.
Sorry to say...no mommy guilt here. Or should I say "Happy to say...". I've reached a point in my life where I realize no one spends more time with my children than I do and it's a valid investment that will not falter because I go away for the weekend. Although wife and mom are the most beloved titles I own, I sometimes complain about my role. You know, "I never have days off", "When you(husband) leave work, its fun time" "When do I get a day off?" "I can't go away, who will cook, do the dishes, lay out the kids clothes?" All the excuses stay-at-home moms use to not make time for themselves. Add this word to your vocabulary...
Rejuvenate~1 a: to make young or youthful again : give new vigor to b: to restore to an original or new state 2 a: to stimulate (a stream) to renewed erosive activity especially by uplift b: to develop youthful features of topography in(Merriam-Webster Online)
Wouldn't that be a great way to return to your family and a priceless verb to add to your resume?

Job Description: Wife & Mom
Salary: hahahahahahaha...Nope!
Goals: To be 100% present with my husband and children while building my own business
Responsibilities: Love always, Follow, Lead, Hug & Kiss, Referee, Read, Heal boo boo's, Counsel, Teach.
Quarterly Tasks: Rejuvenate. ( profitable restoration for a mom and inevitably the whole family. aka-profit sharing!)
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2 weeks....Geesh!!

I can't believe it's been two weeks since I've made an entry. Busy, Busy, Busy!!!
Today I'm meeting my friends for coffee again and I can't wait! I am loving this process of getting to know these ladies more....which is unusual for me. I look forward to hearing what is going on in their lives and the encouragement that we share. God provides an incredible bond between us and seeing it bloom is an incredible blessing...Love ya Ladies!!

I feel like this poor woman looks

Life has been a little busy lately so my blogging responsibilities have suffered. Thus, all these jumbled thoughts in my head. You will hear rants, blessings, and complete random thoughts that have been bottled up in me for days.
Why is it that even when it's proven that I'm right, he won't admit it. My husband, the sweet man he is, has this obsession. It's called hunting. If you have one of these men, you'll get it. Jerry LOVES waterfowl hunting and a friend was coming from out of town to join him in this manly quest. He came home complaining of pain in his wrist followed by a lump in each wrist, two days later...hands that look like the "Michelin Man". Each day, me nagging him to go to the Dr.'s, his refusal, then in the emergency room. Diagnosis? Broken capillaries in his hands due to severe cold weather exposure.....OH WAIT! I forgot to mention it was -2 degrees that fateful day with a wind chill of -20ish and I told him I didn't think it was very wise to go.........His response? "Don't complain about the ER bill, your the one that made me go".........UGH! Seriously?
Snow days are only fun...one day at a time. I love when my kids are home for the summer and we can play outside, go to the water park, take a hike, ahhh.............winter is a different story. I am a pretty resourceful, creative thinker when it comes to winter time play but I am wiped out!
If you have all pre school aged kids, you may not relate......yet. A few years ago I wouldn't have either. I loved staying in with the kids because it was so much easier than the preparation to go anywhere with three kids ages 3 and under(yikes!) When your kids reach school age, there is sadness at the rate of their maturity, usually short lived, because of the freedom you have found in being able to actually accomplish a task-like loading, running and emptying a dish washer-all in one day! The traditional sled riding and hot chocolate by the fire is a beautiful memory. I hope 10 years from now I can remember that instead of the fact that after bundling those little bodies "Ralphie Style"(A Christmas Story?), they came back in the house 10 minutes later and dropped their boots, clothes, gloves, scarves and hats all over the kitchen creating hundreds of cold little puddles to surprise my socked feet with every step. 1 early dismissal + 2 snow days + 1 weekend + 1 Martin Luther King Day=1 tired momma.
Oh, but now for the good stuff. Forget it, I'll write about that tomorrow. It wasn't my intention to mislead you with promises of blessings and random thoughts. I guess I just had to get those rants out of the way to clear my head for a more positive post tomorrow.

Simplify-This wouldn't have been funny a year ago

10 months ago we moved into a smaller, fixer-upper home from a house that was only 9 years old and completely finished in our quest to spend less and give and save more. Simply, simplify.

I have spent my morning cleaning my house in preparation for visitors. I know these friends could care less what my house looks like but I just start cleaning things that sometimes get neglected on a daily basis. I used to be anal(for lack of a better word) about my house being perfectly kept but over that past year I have resigned to the fact there is no such thing. And I'm finally ok with that. But as I was cleaning today, I had to laugh at some of the messes I found that would have sent me over the edge a year ago and some questions I have:
-How is it that toothpaste spit is all over my pretty candle that sits next to my sink?

-At what age to boys acquire better "aim"?

-Why is there a pack of fruit snacks under my sons pillow?

-Who poured the juice down the front of my kitchen cupboards?

-How did last nite's dinner end up UNDER the table?

-Why is my keyboard sticky?

-I didn't know I had frosted windows?...oh wait, those are fingerprints.

-Wouldn't my kitchen look even cleaner without all of those A+'s and artwork on the fridge?(Definitely but not negotiable!!)

-How much dust can collect on a shelf that is above eye level?

-Why is my dishwasher still not hooked up to plumbing?(Now this is a serious matter)

Please don't judge my housekeeping abilities. I actually still do try to maintain a presentable home, but when we're busy, we're busy and these are just a few of the things that made me laugh today. Besides what else can you do? You have to laugh or it will consume you!!

Let's Play

Tonight was a night my husband had to work and we miss him so much when he works the weekends. But it was a beautiful evening, not to be wasted.
When he walked out the door, I felt a sense of boredom and knew my kids would be feeling it soon. So I said "let's play!" We went a new playground in our area and had the best time. I never grow tired of hearing "Mommy, watch this!"
I swung, was "put in jail", got dizzy, made them dizzy and just enjoyed their world.
Laughter is a great place to live.

What a day can bring

Today has brought laughter, resignation, and peace.
Samuel loves go to the basement to go through boxes that are still not unpacked from our move 10 months ago(if I haven't needed that stuff in 10 months.......). Every time, he finds some kind of "treasure" that has memory attached to it and sits next to me to remind me of "that one time when.....". After bringing up numerous games and toys, he came up with my hand weights and yoga mat and stated "Mommy, I brought your stuff up in case you want to "extercise" because I want you to be a "Mighty Mommy"! (He was recently introduced to Mighty Mouse, ah, the vintage toons are the best) It was so cute and so funny. A light moment in my day.
Then came resignation. I've come to accept that you can't find common ground with someone who won't step into your lawn for even a second. I am the type of person that believes "if they only understood where we are really coming from we could reach some balance". Maybe naive, but I thought that is what a family did...communicate. I guess not all families do, but I'm glad that in my home we do. My husband needs less of it than I do, but he listens to me, agrees and disagrees at times. My boys are at a stage where they don't want to talk about feelings. But Jer and I have made a conscious effort to make communication a foundation of our family. So I resign to the fact that I am going to have times in my life when people just don't want to or know how to communicate, healthily. But in our home I will be a "Mighty Mommy" to protect it and encourage it.
The peace came from a rather unusual place. My father-in-law has lung cancer, well at least that is where they found it first. About a week ago he learned it was also in other organs and his vertebrae. After the original diagnosis, he suffered a stroke and mild heart attack. Today we learned the heartbreaking news that he will have only weeks to months left in his life. However, Hospice has been called in and will be working to keep him pain free. How can I find peace there? The past months have been filled with unanswerable questions and tears, especially from my Tanner. He is Pappy's boy. He is 9 and our hearts were wrenching at what his response might be. We saw the great Comforter envelope his tender heart and he said "I want to take Pappy fishing and make sure I give him even more hugs and kisses". This will be his first experience with death. (My younger two do not understand the finality of earthly death but they understand that their Pappy knows Jesus and he will be in heaven.) We never wanted our children to fear sickness and death. Some times you don't know if what your trying to teach your children is taking hold, until it does. Today, there, we found peace.

The wisdom of 5 year olds

Every once in a while as I get my oldest 2 children on the school bus, my youngest son hasn't made his pitter patter down the hallway and out of his room. On these rare times, I like to climb back into bed for an extra 20 minutes of sleep. When Sam awakes he crawls into bed beside me and we snuggle up to catch an episode of Curious George. This morning was one of those precious days. But today he brought his "teddy" which is bigger than he is. He laid it between us and cozied his way under the covers. After about 30 seconds he stated "I have to move him(the teddy)." I responded "Aw, you wanting to snuggle with mommy?" He blew me away when he said "Well yeah, why wouldn't you want to be close to someone you love?" He sent chills down my spine and I couldn't speak. I just held him close. It was one of those moments that when other people experience it I think "did that really happen that way or did they see that in a movie?"
This innocent exchange made me contemplate all of my relationships. Why is it that the people I love the most, after my husband & children, seem the farthest away right now? Why have I allowed surrounding circumstance to distance me from friends when we should be holding each other the closest. Why, is that "teddy" in between us? I have a friend that I have known for about 14 years now and she doesn't live close anymore but we still keep in touch. She was my first"life after high school" friend. She changed my life. She was the first friend to ever tell me she loved me. When she saw a characteristic in me that she valued, she stated it. She is one of the most mild and genuine people I know. Her husband just very recently stepped into remission from Leukemia and now her mother, with whom she is extremely close, has ovarian cancer and hospice has been called in. She has encountered obstacles and heartbreak that I can't even fathom, and still, you guessed it, she's usually the one calling me to see how I'm doing. Are you kidding me?!!! The reality of her days are life and death, mine are not. I let busyness of life cause me to be lazy in my friendships. Busyness is my teddy.

I want to be more like my friend. I want to shake up my friendships with genuine concern, intimacy, encouragement and for heaven's sake laughter!! I can't remember the last time I shared a real "belly laugh" with a friend. I want to walk with my friends into old age. Not look back and ask "What ever happened to......?"

Ouch!

This is too funny. Some of you know we recently brought a lamb into the Quillin family. Well he is about 4 weeks old now and it is time for him to be neutered. This has come as quite a shock to my 3 boys. They can't fathom why anyone would do such a thing. "Will his "pee bug" fall off?" "He doesn't want that done!" I'm sorry if you don't find this humorous but when you live in house filled with testosterone you learn quickly that when it comes to the family jewels, men, of any species will unite.

I've got nothin'!

Today my mind is blank. I have nothing to say about anything but I am watching the Presidential Debate so tommorrow may be a different story.