grown up

Not fifteen, a young woman
Your spirit is free, your heart sincere
wise and observant.

I remember a playful freshman
eyes fixed on boys
investing, reaching, not knowing if you were there.

I witnessed transformation
steady growth.
Dreamed for you
where He might lead you.

I pride in you like my child
daughter in spirit.
Maturing, a young lady
friend.

Wisdom so rare
in years so fresh
You are there
yet just beginning.

Admiration, awe
pride and Love.
For you my little girl
grown up.


Olivia, I'm so glad I've seen you grow, follow to lead and become this impressive young woman that you are. I see so much of me in you at the age of twenty, yet your doing it so much better. I am so proud of you my sweet girl. I will forever be thankful that God allowed us to be connected. I love you.

Another Stolen Quote

"While it's true that love makes us see the best in our beloved, the strongest marriages I know are composed of people who are often baffled by each other's behavior."

This is one of the most genius statements I have ever read!! Yes, it's stolen(again), but at least I found it more traditionally, while reading...well kind of...blog-creeping anyway.

If you've read my blog at all you know that my husband and I have a hard time figuring each other out. I don't mean communicating, we do that pretty well. However on a daily basis, we cock our heads to one side, raise one eyebrow, draw our chin inward and think "what?! Who are you?"

I do not rejoice in surprises. I'll tell you exactly what I want for Christmas and be thankful. It occurred to me as I read the above quote however, that my relationship with my husband is filled with surprises and I never even realized it. Mostly, I was frustrated by our mutual confusion, wondering silently if one day it would break us. Each time Jerry or I say something that leaves the other "baffled", we may be surprised but we are always striving for understanding. Every year that we mature, we change. So even if we're surprised, dumbfounded, we're always discovering another facet of each other's diamond. The end result, knowing the people we are becoming, a little better. No matter how you look at it, from any angle of discovery, it's a precious stone. An indestructible, glass-cutting(barrier-breaking) diamond.

I find it comforting that though we appear and are completely differing in opinions and personalities, we have a solid foundation and most importantly we still laugh together. Laughter definitely softens the baffled expression.

Let Emotions Subside Before You Decide

"Let Emotions Subside Before You Decide"~Joyce Meyer.

Though I know who she is, I've never read a single book by this author. I saw this quotation on a friend's facebook list of favorite quotes. I usually never pay any attention to this type of info via facebook, but this one caught my attention. I love one-liners, however I like to stumble upon them unexpectedly while reading, I'm not one to "bogart"(my hubby will love that I used that word) someone else's inspirational tid-bits.

My emotions have been all over the place lately. I react waaaayyy too intensely when Jerry fails to see my grand vision for our upcoming addition of a master bed/bath. Poor guy, my creative yet obsessive mind is running faster than my lips can speak and I leave him with no concrete decisions and a pile of confusion. Therefore, I'm frustrated that he can't read my mind, I'm unreasonable.

We've returned to a church that we had left about two years ago. Our exit came on the heels of what we witnessed as a body who professed to love Christ but exhibited a hate for His followers. OF COURSE not the whole body...there are still many believers there that we love dearly and are so excited to reconnect with. But going back has been a huge challenge, mostly for me. Jerry is a very forgiving soul. I am a soul who thinks I have forgiven someone, until I see that someone. I repeatedly found myself sitting in the pew, fuming. Until God said "enough is enough". He has broken a barrier in me that only He could and I'm finding renewed love and understanding. Roller Coaster.

This will seem ridiculous to most but I have spent the last few days(and still not completed) cleaning out our 1955 basement. I have an irrational fear of spiders The job has taken much longer than it should because every time I move something I jump five feet back just in case a harry, black or brown, eight-legged creature pounces on my foot(which is covered by my sneakers but doesn't comfort me in anyway). Every time the air conditioner comes on and a slight breeze brushes my hair, I scream, swat and dance, certain it's a spider. I can't sleep at night because I know if those devil-possessed creations are down stairs they are more than capable of making it into my bedroom! I feel them crawling on my neck as I write. EWWWWW! By the time I'm finished my arsenal of Ortho Home Defense and I will have covered every square inch of that dungeon. I can't explain it, but the gut-wrenching apprehension literally makes me want to throw up. Don't begin to tell me that fear is a result of not trusting God. I trust that one day when He sets up his kingdom here, He will completely eradicate that species, realizing we have suffered enough through it's existence.

It's all of these types of things, big and small, that I have been completely over-emotional about. In all areas of my life I need to step back, not just when I see spiders, take a breath and think before I decide on an action. I am becoming too reactionary as I add year to my life. I was struck by this quote, stolen or not, I am going to wake up tomorrow and repeat it.

A New Addition..NO, not a baby!

We've decided to add on to our little home. Nothing major just another bedroom and bathroom. My existence in this house requires it. It's not a necessity, I realize but it will be a wonderful treat. My hubby has proposed that in this male infested house, I need my own space for bathing and bathroom time in general. It will be nice to go to the restroom and not step in the puddle on the floor that has been left by poor aim.......yeah.
I'm wanting to do a reasonably spacious bath with walk-in shower, tub, double sink/vanity and of course a throne. Design has been more difficult than I imagined. I love to decorate but I usually step in well after construction is completed. So for fun, here are a few I like, let me know what you think and if you have links to any AFFORDABLE great bath spaces, send them my way!

Is There a Flower Under There?

Ok, I haven't blogged in like, forever! I miss it so. Busyness of life has distracted me. However, being away has reminded me of how much I need this outlet. I have a mind that is always reeling, thinking, dreaming, wondering and pondering. My sweet hubby is just the opposite. He is very black and white and simplistic in his reasoning. Not simple-minded, just very cerebral in his train of thought. Sooo..sometimes my revelations are met with blank stares of attempts to understand. I am female and he is male, it's how we're hardwired. I love him for trying to understand my musings yet knowing me better than anyone else does.
On my mind the most? Friendships. The ones that matter. The ones that are more like family than friends. That disintegrate unexpectedly. The ones you remember sharing laughter and tenderness with, that have left a hole in your existence by in their absence.
Those friendships.
I recently heard a message on forgiveness. Genuine forgiveness, being granted to those who have wronged you, as a source of freedom. Freedom from getting stuck..releasing the inability to move forward because of the quicksand that is bitterness. Deep stuff, deep quicksand that I am climbing out of. It's a journey.
I'm at a place in that journey where I can give this wise counsel and also in the position to apply it. However in either scenario, it's not so easy to live it. It's difficult to tell someone else to "let it go" and even trickier to convince yourself to do the same. I have to remove the beam from my own eye before I can take tweezers to the splinter in the eyes of my friends. I have to remind myself daily that giving said forgiveness is not excusing hurtful actions. I am releasing the constriction that I have allowed the hurt to have over me.
Some may call me naive but I do still believe there is goodness in everyone. I also believe people can change. There may be times when they revert to their "old self" but so do I, especially when I'm angry. I am making this realization as a friend from long ago has sprouted into my established garden. I am unsuccessfully pulling the weeds of our past away from the potential blossom of renewed friendship. My tendency is to grab the weed killer and shoot. However, the delicate seedling would never survive. A bountiful garden is never achieved in one day, it takes work, persistence. It needs the right balance of light(love), water(grace) and fertilizer(humbleness, I compare this to fertilizer because sometimes it just tastes like shit!). I'm sorry for the expletive but poo or crap just do not give adequate emphasis to the distaste I have for admitting I may have fault as well.
Telling another that they also need to tend to their garden is equally challenging. I am looking for the gate in the fence. I don't want to jump over it, I'm vertically (confrontationally)challenged. I'm praying for the latch to be easily lifted and an equally effortless entrance. But just in case, I'm putting on my jumping shoes instead of my restrictive muddy boots. I love you that much my friend.

A Perfect 10

My baby has reached a milestone. Double digits. 10. Wow. He's not technically "the baby" but he's my baby. He was the first to initiate us into parenthood. The first difficult delivery. The first hospitalization. The first late night feedings. The first smile. The first, first steps. The first dancer. The first brother. The first, first day of school. The first child I loved.

When I remember the baby years, I see my nephew pushing him in a tonka truck. Dancing in the dining room to Nsync. Splashing in a bucket as if it were a pool. An ever-present smile and an infectious wit that was evident very early.

He walks and talks like his dad, loves fishing like his grandfathers, not a morning person and enjoys quiet time like his mom but has an independent personality all his own. He is unaffected and oblivious to what is popular. He is peculiar and pleasing. He makes his own path. He's an old soul and a kid at heart. He's red-headed freckles and smiles. He's a grouch and a comedian. He's our son. He is loved.

He's "been waiting his whole life"(direct quote)to turn 10. I'm wondering how his whole life thus far has passed so quickly. I longed for this age but now want to press rewind. He's maturing and transforming. I see glimpses of the man he will become. I am proud. We celebrate his life. He's a perfect 10.

Date Night with Owen

I went on a date. On a Wednesday. Taco Bell. WalMart. Game Crazy. The Dollar Tree......a perfect night. Even though date nights with my husband also usually include a stop at the dreaded WalMart, this date was with my middle son, Owen. It was just the two of us and it was heaven. Date night with my boys used to be part of our routine. One day of the month, just Mommy and one of her boys. However, with busy comes lazy. Laziness to not make that extra effort on top of all the other extras that make your life busy.

Did you get that? In my mind it makes perfect sense.

This night was wonderful. Filled with all of the natural times of teaching, sharing and laughter. I'd ask, he'd offer even more. When he didn't know how to pay for a $30 item with a $100 bill(his world requires a $20 & $10 bill), I explain he will receive change and watch his face light up with a sense of financial responsibility as he puts the said change in his own wallet. He has had this money since his birthday in August. As opposed to his brothers, he is a saver. He waited until he knew exactly what he wanted and even earned additional funds by collecting cans to recycle and extra chores to meet those desires. Wii game. Ninja costume. The biggest, fastest Nerf gun available. We sat in the aisle, on the floor, in WalMart comparative shopping. The number of bullets shot in three seconds is of the utmost importance when searching for the perfect Nerf. In this case, the biggest was the best(this thing is hilarious and huge). One last stop at the Dollar Tree to spend the last few dollars and even pick up a little something for "the brothers" A pleasant, conversation filled ride home. Ninja costume on. Gun assembled and loaded....then the sweetest thing. He walks up to Sam and says "Here ya go little brother, I got you a magnifying glass to burn ants, but you gotta give me a hug first!"(if you find that disturbing rather than sweet you may not have a houseful of boys) An ending to a date as momentous as any kiss.