Is There a Flower Under There?

Ok, I haven't blogged in like, forever! I miss it so. Busyness of life has distracted me. However, being away has reminded me of how much I need this outlet. I have a mind that is always reeling, thinking, dreaming, wondering and pondering. My sweet hubby is just the opposite. He is very black and white and simplistic in his reasoning. Not simple-minded, just very cerebral in his train of thought. Sooo..sometimes my revelations are met with blank stares of attempts to understand. I am female and he is male, it's how we're hardwired. I love him for trying to understand my musings yet knowing me better than anyone else does.
On my mind the most? Friendships. The ones that matter. The ones that are more like family than friends. That disintegrate unexpectedly. The ones you remember sharing laughter and tenderness with, that have left a hole in your existence by in their absence.
Those friendships.
I recently heard a message on forgiveness. Genuine forgiveness, being granted to those who have wronged you, as a source of freedom. Freedom from getting stuck..releasing the inability to move forward because of the quicksand that is bitterness. Deep stuff, deep quicksand that I am climbing out of. It's a journey.
I'm at a place in that journey where I can give this wise counsel and also in the position to apply it. However in either scenario, it's not so easy to live it. It's difficult to tell someone else to "let it go" and even trickier to convince yourself to do the same. I have to remove the beam from my own eye before I can take tweezers to the splinter in the eyes of my friends. I have to remind myself daily that giving said forgiveness is not excusing hurtful actions. I am releasing the constriction that I have allowed the hurt to have over me.
Some may call me naive but I do still believe there is goodness in everyone. I also believe people can change. There may be times when they revert to their "old self" but so do I, especially when I'm angry. I am making this realization as a friend from long ago has sprouted into my established garden. I am unsuccessfully pulling the weeds of our past away from the potential blossom of renewed friendship. My tendency is to grab the weed killer and shoot. However, the delicate seedling would never survive. A bountiful garden is never achieved in one day, it takes work, persistence. It needs the right balance of light(love), water(grace) and fertilizer(humbleness, I compare this to fertilizer because sometimes it just tastes like shit!). I'm sorry for the expletive but poo or crap just do not give adequate emphasis to the distaste I have for admitting I may have fault as well.
Telling another that they also need to tend to their garden is equally challenging. I am looking for the gate in the fence. I don't want to jump over it, I'm vertically (confrontationally)challenged. I'm praying for the latch to be easily lifted and an equally effortless entrance. But just in case, I'm putting on my jumping shoes instead of my restrictive muddy boots. I love you that much my friend.