Date Night with Owen

I went on a date. On a Wednesday. Taco Bell. WalMart. Game Crazy. The Dollar Tree......a perfect night. Even though date nights with my husband also usually include a stop at the dreaded WalMart, this date was with my middle son, Owen. It was just the two of us and it was heaven. Date night with my boys used to be part of our routine. One day of the month, just Mommy and one of her boys. However, with busy comes lazy. Laziness to not make that extra effort on top of all the other extras that make your life busy.

Did you get that? In my mind it makes perfect sense.

This night was wonderful. Filled with all of the natural times of teaching, sharing and laughter. I'd ask, he'd offer even more. When he didn't know how to pay for a $30 item with a $100 bill(his world requires a $20 & $10 bill), I explain he will receive change and watch his face light up with a sense of financial responsibility as he puts the said change in his own wallet. He has had this money since his birthday in August. As opposed to his brothers, he is a saver. He waited until he knew exactly what he wanted and even earned additional funds by collecting cans to recycle and extra chores to meet those desires. Wii game. Ninja costume. The biggest, fastest Nerf gun available. We sat in the aisle, on the floor, in WalMart comparative shopping. The number of bullets shot in three seconds is of the utmost importance when searching for the perfect Nerf. In this case, the biggest was the best(this thing is hilarious and huge). One last stop at the Dollar Tree to spend the last few dollars and even pick up a little something for "the brothers" A pleasant, conversation filled ride home. Ninja costume on. Gun assembled and loaded....then the sweetest thing. He walks up to Sam and says "Here ya go little brother, I got you a magnifying glass to burn ants, but you gotta give me a hug first!"(if you find that disturbing rather than sweet you may not have a houseful of boys) An ending to a date as momentous as any kiss.

Husbands

Well Husband. Thank goodness there's only one! My husband is in the bush. In a far off land with no electricity, no cell service, not even a zip code. Have you ever heard of "God's Country"? That's it, a place only God can find. I've been there too, so I know. He's there having "guy time". Shooting waterfowl.
I was furious when he was planning his trip. It's not the first, won't be the last, no matter how I protest. I find it selfish to plan a vacation for one's self when we are in one of the busiest seasons of life, leaving all responsibilities on the other's shoulders to chase ducks. Selfish. That's right I'm annoyed with my husband. I LOVE MY HUSBAND. Right now though I am finding it tough to understand this husband/wife dynamic. There is this pressure, unwritten law that we have to be all things for our husbands: lover, nurturer, maid, chef, encourager. They work to provide for our family, which is a pressure they carry, so we are supposed to understand that they "need" their guy time to release. We need to show respect, reverence them, allow them to lead.
I know what the Bible says: Wives submit to your husbands, Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the Church...that I get.
But here in the realness of everyday life(and not just in our home, it's widespread) Husbands love their wives but not always Christlike(No, wives aren't blamesless but this isn't about us, haha). They seem clueless as to who we are and what we need. Women want love in action, not just words, touches and gifts(which aren't bad, very nice actually). I don't need and emotional repair man, just an ear sometimes. I need to be seen in my gray and even sometimes bright red world even though his lenses are black and white. Not only seen but seen and not automatically stared at blankly as a rambling phsycotic.
While he's gone, I realize how much I really do need him. He is safety to me and balance. I do miss him. However realizing how much I need him just makes me more angry that he left, willingly. He calls, he misses us terribly, I believe him, truly. When he tells me about the adventure of the day- I completely zone out, I don't care. I'm mad. He'll come home and genuinely love on us tell us how much he missed us. And I'll be mad. He gets a pass. I'm mad.

Where have I been?

It has been so long!!! I haven't given up on my blog, I've just given up the thought that I have enough time to have a blog that will ever get a following! How can followers be faithful if I'm not?
Anyhow, quick update and experiences I've had while I was away. My two oldest boys are in sports........every season: baseball, football and wrestling. My husband was not allowed to play sports as a kid so he is more liberal than I am when it comes to extra curriculars. I have been continually expressing my concerns( a nice way to say complaining and whining) to him about how our life is being run by someone else's schedule, our family togetherness time is endangered and our one on one time with each child extinct. I suggested that next year they have to choose only 2 sports so that we can continue to enforce our theme of academics before sports and God and family before either of those. The husband was not excited about weeding out the boys' activities. He felt we would be punishing the boys by not allowing them to do something they enjoy, which I kind of see his perspective........but not really. Recently, on the Today Show, there was a child Psychologist talking about family time, schedules etc. She suggested allowing children to do only 1 or 2 extra curriculars and doing them WELL! So, of course, now I have an expert backing me up, time to talk to the hubby again. We talked with each other and then with the boys. The decision came quite easily for them(not even a hint of disappointment) and dad is taking it well. We want to teach our kids to do everything they do, 100%. Not to spread themselves too thin and focus on what is really important. When they look back at their childhood, they won't remember the record of their baseball season '09, but they will remember the time we spent with them and the lessons we taught.
We've also started a new dinner ritual. Everyday, naming at least one thing we are thankful for. Kids are selfish by nature. "Can we go here or there?" "I want......." can be exhausting and for me infuriating! I don't believe that my children are more greedy or selfish than other children, they are just children. Too much is not enough. In our quest for simplicity I have made it my psychotic goal for my children to be different. Focus on the things we do have and caring for them for what they are: gifts God has provided and allowed us to have.
And then there is church. I am fed up with Christianity. Not Christ. Not the church as a whole, but just "churchiness". We have landed in a pretty great local church(finally) and I am so thankful, it has been a refreshing blessing. However, outisde of that church, my eyes have been opened to what the body looks like from the outside observer...and it goes a little something like this: A right-wing Republican who wears an "Abortion Stops a Beating Heart" bumper sticker on his car, supports the war at any cost(because after all Iraq is ancient Babylon), opposes every thing Democrat(God forbid a Democratic President encourage our children to stay in school and be responsible for their own future and success), can quote 10 verses from memory on the spot but cannot tell you their next door neighbor's hobbies, workplace or last name(I'm guilty of that) and passing judgement on everything from homosexuality to partaking in a social drink......Blah!!!!!
Want people to see The Light? Try being a light, clothed in grace, mercy and kindness.......quite literally..for Christ's sake! Listen and express genuine concern and compassion as a human being designed for relationships with others, share struggles and be real, not self righteous. Love truth but be known for love and integrity instead of knowledge and scorning. My husband and I have been having this conversation with ourselves and each other and for US, this is what God has shown us he wants in his representation here on earth.
So these are a few of the things we have been "chewing on" while I've been away...........more to come.

Jon & Kate...It's not a riddle

What do you call 2 people who have made their world revolve around their children for the sake of riches and seem surprised that their marriage fell apart?
It's not a riddle, it's real(ality TV)...Jon & Kate.
I am going to go on a completely judgemental rant but they put themselves into my living room (not to mention the grocery checkout and the airwaves in my car all day long)so therefore open to my criticism...right?
I don't care if you have 1 child or 8, making a marriage work is exactly that....work. Work that you do on purpose. Purposefully considering your spouse and meeting each others needs. Finding time to connect beyond the commonality of the children you share. We all fall into seasons where the kids occupy the majority of our time and it's easy to be swept up in the wind of that season and loose focus of your center and foundation. However if you purposefully choose not to let the wind to carry you away....it won't. Spouses united by God and led by his example is the biggest gift you can give your children. Among friends and acquaintances, I have seen this happen before. Obviously, divorce is not new. Parents feel it unnecessary or guilt ridden when it comes to focusing on each other. C'mon, if you love and respect your spouse, your children are not neglected, they are blessed. Setting aside time for the love of your life allows your children to understand and replicate healthy, loving relationships...with friends, family and someday their own spouse.
Kate says she "doesn't want to be alone", did she ever consider that epiphany over the past 5 years she berated Jon for everyone to see? She stepped out of her role as a wife and effeminated her husband.
Jon says " he's sad and excited at the same time. sad that things ended the way they did but excited for his new life" Why wasn't he excited about his role as husband and father? He was clearly born with a spine, why didn't he use it?
They both say "I'll always love Jon/Kate as the father/mother of my children" What about simply loving the mother/father?
I am so infuriated by these two. I understand the labor of having 8 children is beyond my fathom however I feel no empathy to either. While they orbit the planet of Children, they still manage to be completely self involved. Kate and her hair and Jon and his "new life" will take turns living in the "kids' house" (are you kidding me? Jon & Kate were just guests? Can you say future entitlement issues?) adding further to the confusion these poor kids are experiencing. But "the show must go on"? Neither Jon nor Kate even paused to think that maybe they should withdraw from the limelight(maybe then they wouldn't have paparazzi issues), protect their children, and at least attempt to rebuild their relationship. UGHH!!! I could go on forever.
Bottom line. Talk to your spouse. Respect your spouse. Love your spouse. Consider your Spouse.
Your kids will thank you.

I'm losing!

Well here it is.....I've lost 17 lbs. I'm proud of that but I am stuck and frustrated. Not that 17 isn't an accomplishment because I know that it is, but attaining good health is sometimes tiring and just plain boring! Healthy eating does not include fried mozzarella, pizza(at least not the good kind), buffalo wings or bleu cheese dressing. I know, I know.......in moderation. However, I did go to the library today and checked out 6 different cookbooks so I'm finding some new motivation and I started yoga this week in addition to my walking. Did I mention I hate working out? I had to add a different type of exercise to pass this plateau...or so I'm told. But maybe -15 lbs later I'll agree but right now I'm going to complain....ok, I'm done.
While I was at the library though, I was saddened. Because of funding losses our small but incredible library will be closing two days a week! We love the library! They had already cut hours but it didn't match the funding loss so now they will be closed on Wed and Fri. So sad. It's crazy to me that in this economic mess the one place that offers free entertainment and virtually endless reading resources would be the one of the first cut made by our legislature. Families like mine are always looking for inexpensive or free fun...ESPECIALLY NOW! If only Mommy's made the rules.
Why do I stay up so late? Tomorrow I will complain about the earliness of my risers.
I can't sleep because I have this idea....a really good idea. It's a non-profit. In these financially tough times can generosity and charity prevail? It's on my mind. If it comes to fruition a community can be changed. I'd tell you what it is...but then I'd have to kill ya. It's on my mind and my heart. I will tell you when it's real. I'm brainstorming.

Blooming Where they are Planted

Okay, Okay, I'm not getting any better at keeping up with my blog. I'm reluctantly accepting that this is just part of the season that I am living. A season where the flowers grow so quickly and consume so much of my sunshine......but I have to enjoy their beauty while it's blooming. Before I know it their roots will outgrow the bed in which they are contained and will have to be transplanted to bloom and bring beauty to another landscape.....besides mine. I remember them as seedlings, dainty sprouts....now, budding perennials that grow bigger and more beautiful every year. The days of constant weeding, fertilizing, the right amount of watering, dirty hands working the soil are not over, but their maturity allows us more time just to enjoy their splendor...the most enjoyable season of a garden.......even if it is baseball season.

"Friends influence the direction and quality of life"

Today, I wanted to move. Move somewhere, where we are strangers, to start new relationships, be somewhat anonymous. Growing up and then residing in a small town is quaint, close knit, quiet.....but also intrusive, haunting. Haunted by relationships past, mistakes made, hurt applied. Like when your at your son's baseball game and you see that "Mean Girl" from High School, a beautiful rose as always, but still with thorns. You know logically and biblically you should pray for her, love her but it seems like a waste. Even though, my God wore thorns to remove hers just as he did mine, it's tough. And so the wheels of my mind turn continuously, oiled by the hurtful past between us and the promise that leaving would make things so much easier because the slates would be clean, both mine and the people I would meet............
Then I came home to find a voicemail on the cell phone I forgot. Reminding me, life is precious, fragile, genuine friendships hold value. The recorded voice of a friend. Our mutual friend has had some health concerns which, as of now, are increased concerns. As I prayed for my friend, I was soothed. My focus had switched. From self-centered pity to pleading, selfless love over the wounds of my friend. Then to the soul of a "mean girl" who if faced with the same concerns would have no praying friends. There's no time to change the past, only love the now.
Our pastor made a comment in the message this past Sunday.."Friends influence the direction and quality of life" based on Proverbs 12:26 The righteous choose their friends carefully....
2009 has brought me new and blossoming friendships with Godly women and as today reflects they certainly influence my direction and definitely improve the quality of my life.