Little boy, how are you so big? How is it you live life the same way you came into it? Hard.... Like you were letting me know from the onset, your drive and determination. You play hard. You fight with your brothers hard. You work hard in school. You are hard-headed(like your momma). You find it hard to let others know that you are sensitive. You sleep hard. Finding trouble is not hard..but most importantly, you love hard.

You are amazingly smart. You have the best cheeks for kissing. Ever since you were a baby you've had these perfectly round cheeks that a kiss just sinks into. Though you have a wild heart you are the most eager to please. Your favorite things are baseball, wrestling, animals, reading, the Wii, your friend Noah, your Grandma and .....me. That's not a vain self promotion, you and I have a unique chemistry. Someday one equally amazing woman(JK!!) will steal your affections from me. For now, I love that you call me 10 times when I away from you for two hours. I love that when I walk into the door you still run calling "Mommy!" and give me the biggest of hugs.

Your eyes are a gorgeous slate blue, I painted my living room to match. I was drawn to that swatch like I'm drawn to your eyes. You are so strong, not just in mind like I mentioned before but physically I cannot believe how your strength has multiplied over the years. I can no longer pick you up, but you can lift me off of the floor. You are nine years old and I am seeing glimpses of the man you will be. I am proud of you. I love you. I'm thankful that you, are you.

Happy Birthday my precious boy.

"If You Really Knew Me"

There's not much on TV that is inspirational or makes one feel led to make a change. I did find one program that does. On MTV, no less. "If You Really Knew Me". I started watching about three weeks ago with cautious optimism. The premise is this: Trained adults come into a High School and initiate a "Challenge Day". On this day cliques are broken down and students divide into small groups and share experiences..starting with the line "If you really knew me...".
I have not been able to watch without tears. You see the Homecoming Queen, the Goth Girl and the Band Geek describing what life is like at home, in school, their insecurities and struggles. You witness change in their expression, the epiphany that their seemingly outward, insurmountable differences are exactly the opposite. They are more alike than they are strangers.
The leaders describe people as icebergs, revealing only ten percent of who they are above the surface and below the other ninety percent that no one sees. The program is about exposing the other ninety percent, "being real". The students stand behind a line and leaders read different circumstances that kids face; divorce, abuse, loneliness etc. If the student is affected by the circumstance, they cross to the other side of the line. Large groups of students from every "clique" represented cross the line. Powerful. Again, barriers are broken.
The following day the kids are sent out in their school to spread the understanding they have begun to grasp. The initiative, boldness and passion by the students...again, powerful.
Ask any adult and not many will say "High School was the best time of my life!". Most of us, regardless of what social table we joined in the cafeteria, would admit that we only showed ten percent of that iceberg. I clung to having a boyfriend, because it made me feel beautiful and powerful-emotions I never experienced at home. I was a cheerleader because I was capable of doing it and allowed me to be noticed. I would rather have been singing a solo in the choir while displaying my artwork at the Spring Arts Show. I exuded a false confidence, masking my anxiety of making friends, analyzing every word I spoke and the hurt of losing friends to immature high school drama. Instead I built this tough exterior wall that didn't allow many to enter nor let me out.
Talking with friends about the show, we decided people should go to high school in their thirties. An age where people have figured out who they are and see themselves as valuable.
What if we could intercept students during their most vulnerable time in life? Lessen some the hurt and aggression.....
This movement has begun to prevent the increasing number of suicides and bullying taking place in schools. I recently observed an anti-bullying curriculum ran by teachers. I was very impressed by the openess of the students but as with most things there is a concern of cost of bringing it into one's own school district. I want this job. I've been blessed to work with high school-aged kids through church ministry and I loved it!! I miss it terribly. There is a myth that teenagers think adults are ridiculous and irrelevent. I've witnessed first hand, this is false. I'd love to be injected into the lives of teens in this new forum...we'll see what happens.
My favorite line from the latest episode ~"If someone is feeling lonely, it's not because there is a lack of people. It's because there is a lack of connection between those people."

What I love

I'm sitting here tonight all by myself and I love it. Daddy and the boys are at the lake fishing and camping. I am enjoying having the house to myself. I'm taking in all the things I love and being thankful for them.

• I love this rare time of alone-ness
• I love my new silverware(we started our life together with a matching set but over the years strays have land here and originals have disappeared?)
• I love the new song "Love the way you lie" by Eminem and Rhianna(this song is so dark and disturbing but I'm fascinated by it. Believe me there is nothing spiritually uplifting about it)
• I love the new workout Jerry and I are doing together, Melt it Off with Mitch Gaylord
• I love mowing the grass on a hot summer day, like today
• I love that "The Hills" has ended so I won't find myself watching a so-called reality show with such committment.
• I love that my neighbor brought me green beens from his garden and I will can them tomorrow for my family to enjoy all winter long.
• I love that the boys and I shared a picnic, baby pool and four wheeler rides yesterday and it was one of the simplest and best days of our summer.
• I love the work that will begin tomorrow on our home addition.
• I love that I'm finally catching up on my scrapbooking, digitally.
• I love that I can enjoy this time alone yet I am blessed with family and never feel lonely.

grown up

Not fifteen, a young woman
Your spirit is free, your heart sincere
wise and observant.

I remember a playful freshman
eyes fixed on boys
investing, reaching, not knowing if you were there.

I witnessed transformation
steady growth.
Dreamed for you
where He might lead you.

I pride in you like my child
daughter in spirit.
Maturing, a young lady
friend.

Wisdom so rare
in years so fresh
You are there
yet just beginning.

Admiration, awe
pride and Love.
For you my little girl
grown up.


Olivia, I'm so glad I've seen you grow, follow to lead and become this impressive young woman that you are. I see so much of me in you at the age of twenty, yet your doing it so much better. I am so proud of you my sweet girl. I will forever be thankful that God allowed us to be connected. I love you.

Another Stolen Quote

"While it's true that love makes us see the best in our beloved, the strongest marriages I know are composed of people who are often baffled by each other's behavior."

This is one of the most genius statements I have ever read!! Yes, it's stolen(again), but at least I found it more traditionally, while reading...well kind of...blog-creeping anyway.

If you've read my blog at all you know that my husband and I have a hard time figuring each other out. I don't mean communicating, we do that pretty well. However on a daily basis, we cock our heads to one side, raise one eyebrow, draw our chin inward and think "what?! Who are you?"

I do not rejoice in surprises. I'll tell you exactly what I want for Christmas and be thankful. It occurred to me as I read the above quote however, that my relationship with my husband is filled with surprises and I never even realized it. Mostly, I was frustrated by our mutual confusion, wondering silently if one day it would break us. Each time Jerry or I say something that leaves the other "baffled", we may be surprised but we are always striving for understanding. Every year that we mature, we change. So even if we're surprised, dumbfounded, we're always discovering another facet of each other's diamond. The end result, knowing the people we are becoming, a little better. No matter how you look at it, from any angle of discovery, it's a precious stone. An indestructible, glass-cutting(barrier-breaking) diamond.

I find it comforting that though we appear and are completely differing in opinions and personalities, we have a solid foundation and most importantly we still laugh together. Laughter definitely softens the baffled expression.

Let Emotions Subside Before You Decide

"Let Emotions Subside Before You Decide"~Joyce Meyer.

Though I know who she is, I've never read a single book by this author. I saw this quotation on a friend's facebook list of favorite quotes. I usually never pay any attention to this type of info via facebook, but this one caught my attention. I love one-liners, however I like to stumble upon them unexpectedly while reading, I'm not one to "bogart"(my hubby will love that I used that word) someone else's inspirational tid-bits.

My emotions have been all over the place lately. I react waaaayyy too intensely when Jerry fails to see my grand vision for our upcoming addition of a master bed/bath. Poor guy, my creative yet obsessive mind is running faster than my lips can speak and I leave him with no concrete decisions and a pile of confusion. Therefore, I'm frustrated that he can't read my mind, I'm unreasonable.

We've returned to a church that we had left about two years ago. Our exit came on the heels of what we witnessed as a body who professed to love Christ but exhibited a hate for His followers. OF COURSE not the whole body...there are still many believers there that we love dearly and are so excited to reconnect with. But going back has been a huge challenge, mostly for me. Jerry is a very forgiving soul. I am a soul who thinks I have forgiven someone, until I see that someone. I repeatedly found myself sitting in the pew, fuming. Until God said "enough is enough". He has broken a barrier in me that only He could and I'm finding renewed love and understanding. Roller Coaster.

This will seem ridiculous to most but I have spent the last few days(and still not completed) cleaning out our 1955 basement. I have an irrational fear of spiders The job has taken much longer than it should because every time I move something I jump five feet back just in case a harry, black or brown, eight-legged creature pounces on my foot(which is covered by my sneakers but doesn't comfort me in anyway). Every time the air conditioner comes on and a slight breeze brushes my hair, I scream, swat and dance, certain it's a spider. I can't sleep at night because I know if those devil-possessed creations are down stairs they are more than capable of making it into my bedroom! I feel them crawling on my neck as I write. EWWWWW! By the time I'm finished my arsenal of Ortho Home Defense and I will have covered every square inch of that dungeon. I can't explain it, but the gut-wrenching apprehension literally makes me want to throw up. Don't begin to tell me that fear is a result of not trusting God. I trust that one day when He sets up his kingdom here, He will completely eradicate that species, realizing we have suffered enough through it's existence.

It's all of these types of things, big and small, that I have been completely over-emotional about. In all areas of my life I need to step back, not just when I see spiders, take a breath and think before I decide on an action. I am becoming too reactionary as I add year to my life. I was struck by this quote, stolen or not, I am going to wake up tomorrow and repeat it.

A New Addition..NO, not a baby!

We've decided to add on to our little home. Nothing major just another bedroom and bathroom. My existence in this house requires it. It's not a necessity, I realize but it will be a wonderful treat. My hubby has proposed that in this male infested house, I need my own space for bathing and bathroom time in general. It will be nice to go to the restroom and not step in the puddle on the floor that has been left by poor aim.......yeah.
I'm wanting to do a reasonably spacious bath with walk-in shower, tub, double sink/vanity and of course a throne. Design has been more difficult than I imagined. I love to decorate but I usually step in well after construction is completed. So for fun, here are a few I like, let me know what you think and if you have links to any AFFORDABLE great bath spaces, send them my way!